I think that you are doing great if all you have are butterflies in your stomach! You really do need to slow down and sort out your life before it becomes overwhelming.

Your sister is probably suffering from the loss of her son and can't deal with it logically. You aren't going to be able to get much help from her because she needs help, herself. she is overwhelmed already.

So, are you able to get cooperation from your daughter so you aren't doing everything alone without a support network?

You might need the help of the court in order to gain Power of Attorney. You shouldn't wait until there is an emergency. Being paranoid is understandable. Don't take it personally.

Do you have photographs of your life together? She can't help it if she can't remember things. Try to be understanding instead of defensive. (I'm sure that's easier said than done.) Try to make time to reminisce. It will be good for both of you.

There's a lot going on in your family. Try to be tolerant of everyone. Drama is the way we act when we can't cope.

You have to rise above it and see it for what it is.

And, get a good tranquilizer!

Arlene

Thank you for your comments.

You are right, I need to get rid of the defensive feeling when dealing with her.

And I wish my doctor would prescribe some tranqs...it is hard to find a doc who will...oh well...probably for the best.

Take care.

Hi Blondie. My mother just died at age 81 from complications of Alzheimer's and emphysema. In the end, she was at home, family and hospice by her side, watching her take her last breath.

It's gonna be a bumpy, complicated road - there's no avoiding it, I think. Talk to everybody about it - you're gonna need all the comfort you can get, now, and even more later. When your mother does finally check out, you'll get the big wallop, regardless of what she said or didn't say in her final days.

They say that folks with dementia die twice - the person you knew changes, and then she dies.

This is by far the hardest part of my life so far. Wish I could say something to take away the hurt, but...you're gonna have to roll with it, baby. Do whatever you need to do.

What you said...they say that folks with dementia die twice...well there go my butterflies in the stomach again.

All of this is so over whelming, I DO really appreciate hearing from those who are and have gone through caring for an elderly parent.

The one thing I need to kick, is the guilt trip I lay on myself. You see, I am not very tolerant of her actions. I suppose I am still a little in denial. It seems she does some things for attention and I cannot disguish between the two. So I walk away feeling like the biggest jerk!

I want to be like Florence Nightingale or Mother Teresa, when it comes to her situation. It is just not there, too much going on in all aspects of my life.

So to end my ramblings AGAIN, I started seeing a counselor. I am able to put things into perspective and move on.

Now - a very stupid question for you! What are Hornitos?

Trish.

At the time I was caring for my parents I cried all the time because of things they said that made me feel bad. But I learned not to take it personal, because they were not themselves anymore. In the end I realized how frightened they were of losing their independence. Think how you would feel if all the sudden you had to depend on someone else for every move you made. They have such fear! They are frightened! and they are angry! And YOU ARE THERE. So who else can they take it out on? Good luck!

You know you are letting your mother make you ill. If she insists she doesn't need or want your help, leave her alone. I would run away, fast, until she is willing to treat you with respect ie. power of attorney. My mom just told me she wants to leave all of her money to my son, not me. I have her living in my home.

Go figure,

Judy