I am so happy to hear stories like yours. I'm sure it's an inspiration to many who feel that once trust is broken or a couple drifts apart, all is lost. Many go on to the next relationship and repeat the same mistakes because they have learned nothing from their experience. Good for you!

Good for you, Missy! Now that you'uns are back in love, watch that sucker like a hawk.

How bout I watch him like a mother hawk guarding her nest?! LOL!

Way to go! I had a similar situation. I was determined I would learn the lesson I was supposed to learn this time. Through couples counseling, individual counseling, reading, and a lot of talking (and crying), we are working things out. It was really hard in the beginning dealing with the loss of trust but our relationship is much closer now. I used to think that I could never forgive anyone who cheated. That was before it happened to me.

Believe it or not, 3 months after the fact, I still cry, now it's over dumb things. I cry at the loss of my innocence and the loss of the total trust I had in him. One main thing we did do, and are still doing. We started with dating each other and learning all about each other again. He recently gave me a new engagement ring & re-proposed. We are now in the process of planning a send wedding, renewing our vows, privately with just our children present so that we can start totally anew.

It's so nice--and refreshing--to hear of a couple who survived an affair and used the experience to recommit to each other. I tip my hat.

Well, my story is very similar, except I am 9 years out. We did all the things you are doing, things were better in so many ways. He was the one who cheated, it went on off and on for two years, then he ended it when I made him move out. Things got really good for a while. Like for 5 years. Then I noticed he was just not there for me emotionally. He tends to be very distant and withdrawn emotionally anyway. Well, to make long story as short as possible, I caught him talking on the phone to her while we were on vacation. (the therapist says that was an f you to me, but hubby wont or can't say what for) He had sworn to me that he would tell me if he ever had contact with her again. When I caught him, he said he had been talking to her for a few months, no sex, that she had called him blah blah blah.

I really really felt so betrayed. But not nearly as devestated as before. I told him to move out, not angry but just the fact that I could not trust him to be honest with me was enough for me to have him out of the house. Our son became very anxious, this happened in February of his Sr. year. Our son was also facing a major surgery this summer. So, I let him stay, he has begged me to forgive him, he says he is sorry, that he is not attracted to her, that he loves me, blah blah. I listen, we are going to counseling (again) and I have tried to figure out what he gets from this other relationship. He says she expects nothing from him, that she is just grateful to have him. Now folks, I have truly given his man all the love I have. I only ask for his honesty. I do ask for a little attention, he agrees that he did not do his part after the first time. He did stop seeing her (I think) for a few years, but he did not give to the marriage the way he promised he would. I tried to live with less. It is an ongoing struggle. (and this living with less has lead me to daydream about an affair with old boyfriend, no action though, just fantasy)

Sorry, I wish our story was better. I could have written your email 2, 3 and 4 years after his affair. But now, we are working on it. Why don't I leave? Good question. One I still ask myself too often. I can see him trying. He is not a smooth talker, I fell in love with his "innocence". I feel like a fool.

I do love him, I care about him. We learned so much about ourselves and each other when we went through this before. I learned to be much more flexible, less controlling, and to accept him as he is.(as long as "as he is" isn't screwing around) I don't know what he learnded. I thought he learned not to lie to me but I was wrong about that.

I guess I am still in this because we have had many good years,(23 total, 12 years before the affair that were truly wonderful, I knew the moment he started lieing to me) we enjoy each other's company, we share similar values (if you discount his affair ha ha) we have two kids who love us both and need us. Sex is still very good, always has been. And we do love each other.

But honestly, I am heartbroken that I can not trust him again. I have thought seriously for the past year about having an affair with an old love. But I haven't. I know it is wrong, and I do want my marriage to work. I just don't know how much more I can give. I don't trust him. It isn't a matter of deciding to, it is a fact that he has lied to me repeatedly and the trust is so eroded I just don't know when I will ever be able to feel totally safe. We talk about it, I try to not hold too much in but also try to not beat him up over it. I have told him more than once that if he loves this woman and wants to be with her, we can do that without anger. I want him to be happy. He won't discuss divorce. He says he does not love her--he loves me. He begged me to let him stay and to go to counseling. So I did and I am.

I hope your state of happiness lasts. It is a good feeling to know that you worked through some serious issues and that you have the strength to work on yourself. Good luck.