No, you are not solely to blame. It takes two to make a marriage and if one is not realizing that the other has needs then don't feel guilty. You are not alone. I can't remember the statistic but a good percentage of men and women cheat. Most everybody thinks about it.

Why did you cheat in the first place?

I doubt if you were entirely at fault. Some blame must also go to your partner in crime, and perhaps your husband as well.

So, what do you want? To repair the marriage? Start over on a different footing? Get your husband's forgiveness?

If you're clear about what you want you're much more likely to be able to get it.

I'm not here to make you feel good about it. I'm the man who's resisted every opportunity to cheat that came down the pike. It would wreck me if I ever found out my wife was cheating. and end the marriage. Thats me though.

Women are different. They are more resilient then men in this. If it makes you feel any better about it...what society thinks it knows about the incidence of cheating is just the tip of the iceberg. I'd bet my life on it.

Keep reading, maybe somebody has better advice......at least you've put it out there.

Isador says it't not all your fault. Fuzzy thinking if ever I heard it. It's like saying the ice cream made you eat it.

No one made you do it. They didn't tie you down, make you go on a date or to the closet, motel or anything else.

Fortunately, you seem to have accepted your responsibility. That's the first step you needed to take however your marriage turns out from this point.

It will be difficult but your husband is far more likely to forgive you if you say "I f'd up" instead of trying to blame anyone else.

I also disagree with those who say you are not responsible for your situation. Yes, it does take two in a relationship but we are all responsible for our personal decisions, and it is a very personal decision to stray. That said, get over it! There is nothing you can do to change what has been done. Own your responsiblity and look to the future. If you want you marriage to continue then open a dialogue with your husband, asking what he thinks it will take for the 2 of you to mend your relationship. Then be prepared to share your needs with him. It is in the mending that your partnership is paramount.

My husband has always been good to me but I have neglected and been so distant from him since we married. I have never been there for him, I was always somewhere else, almost everyday of our marriage. And when he came home from work, I would ignore him by watching TV. Never have I shown him any intimacy. I have Borderline Personaility Disorder. I have unrealistic fears when I am around him. Nothing that he has done. He has tried to get close to me but I push him away. I can't even sit down and have a converstion with him because of the fears. My fears came from an abusive mother. But I transferred these feelings on to the one person who loved and cared about me. I am so ashamed. I never saw what I was doing, but, even now, I stll can't talk to him. I cheated with an old B/F and a guy I worked with too. But I don't know what to do to help my H to heal his hurt and now his is mine. 35 years, how has he put up with me this long?

It sounds to me he should be the one cheating...From what you write here you say you have a wonderful man whom you push away and then have an encounter with another right?..Well with that ya may want to seek professional help...Before he starts this kinda discussion..