She could see a doctor who specializes in sexual medicine. It's possible that she has a condition that's killing her interest in sex. It's not likely. But it's possible.

Beyond that, you might make do with solo sex, or have affairs in secret, or declare an open marriage and see other women with your wife's knowlegde, or end the marriage and look for a woman with some sexual interest. Stark choices to be sure. But those seem to be your choices.

You say that you've tried some of the "standard" suggestions. I wonder if your wife realizes how serious this is for you. Michael's suggestions are stark. Perhaps if your wife knows that you are considering such drastic measures, she may be more willing to compromise on this issue. Plenty of couples with difference in desire for sex seem to have worked out agreements that allow them to keep their marriage together. It might not be possible for you two, but do give it one more try.

Yes, the choices here seem stark. Timburns might tell his wife: Regular sex or I file for divorce. But if she responds to that, it's likely that she'll feel coerced, and coercion is bad for relationships and bad for sex. Timburns might say: Therapy or I file for divorce. That's still coercive, albeit a slightly different ultimatum, but it hangs the same sword over her head. Timburns has to decide this one for himself. Alas his choices seem pretty stark.

TELL HER TO TRY THAT NEW SEX DRUG FOR WOMEN

I'd be wary of pushing supposedly sex-stimulating drugs on your wife. There was some research suggesting that Viagra helped low-desire women, but most of the studies went the other way, and several years ago, Pfizer, maker of Viagra, gave up on trying to market it to women. One intriguing study suggests that an over-the-counter supplement, ArginMax for Women, stimulates sexual interest in low-desire women. ArginMax is a combination of several herbs with prosexual reputations (ginseng and others). But I know women who have tried it, and it's done nothing for them. She might have her androgen level tested. Androgens are the male sex hormones that fuel libido in both sexes. When women are low in androgens, supplementation can help restore libido. But I'd stay away from products that claim they turn women on sexually. The descriptions I've read on various Web sites claim research support but don't cite any. To me, these products are the women's version of the penis-enlargement e-mails I find in my inbox.

Personally, I think the biggest contributor to a waning sex drive in older women is they way they feel about themselves. Men should realize how important self image is to women and their libido. In short, if she doesn't "feel" sexy, she won't "be" sexy, and having sex becomes a dreaded chore. Instead of focusing purely on sex, try to interest her in activities that will stimulate her mind. Suggest a dance class or a co-ed yoga class, and take every opportunity to let her know how hot she is!

I agree that self-image has a good deal to do with sexual energy. However, there is also a physiological reason why many older women have less interest in sex. Menopause. Not all women experience menopause-related decline in sexual interest. But the research shows that many do.