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Created:: August 2, 2007
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relationships, sex, Sex Over 40

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Warning!! Xrated : Giving Oral - do you think it's the individual or his age

Posted: Jun 17, 08 12:31pm

My husband hasn't even attempted sex of any type in 6 months - last night - about 2 hours into my ambien - i turned the t.v. on porn. I put my hand in his pants and told him i just wanted to see if his penis still works as according to him - he hasn't masturbated or looked at porn or anything in the past 6 months - he says he has just totally lost interest. So his penis is soft and i put my hand down his boxers - its stays soft for about a minute (unusual to me) It gets hard - but not super hard - always with a little bit of softness - (again to me unusual) So he is hard, i'm stroking him and he in the past always gets extremely wet (which i never liked because it was too much wetness) but this time no wetness. He asks for a quicky, i said no - i told him i didn't like how he was controlling our sex life and deciding when and if - i knew if had a quicky with him - he wouldn't do anything to please me that he would only last a minute or two and why bother getting myself worked up as it has taken me months to work myself down. (i didn't say all this to him- just the controlling part) He as usual, makes no excuses or apologies but me being me - i've never turned him down and have always taken pleasure in giving oral and know that i am good at it even though at times his "soft penis" has discouraged me. So i get up, lock the door and tell him to take his boxers off - lightning fast he does - i start giving him oral from the side while he is on his back - that way he is watching the porn and having me give him oral. I know men are visual and i know my hair is blocking most of his view of what i'm doing - so... i haven't given oral in 6 months so i'm going to town and for some reason this night i have a good suction going on his head - i love the head - well i love it all but i had a good rhythm going and not long after he came - this morning he had a bruise (hicky) on his penis tip - has this ever happened to you? I wondered if it was an age thing (his age) or i just happened to be sucking pretty hard last night. I'm usually a little out of it on ambien and with my fibro - i have a bit of short term memory loss - it doesn't seem like i was sucking hard enough to leave a hicky and the 3/4 top of his head is purple now - what do you think -do you think it was the situation, his age or me or a combination or who knows?

As some of my close friends on here know, when i started on tbd i found it through a search on sexless marriages. I had a difficult time understanding and dealing with this issue and over analyzing it my first few months on tbd - some were nice to me about it and explained what they thought was going on and others were rude about it asking me if that is all i talk about, sex.... and/or my lack there of. The assumption from my posts may have been that i don't like porn. This isn't the case - i don't like porn as a substitute for sex in a marriage - it's fine as a tool in addition to sex. I like porn but i don't think enough of it is geared towards women especially what i have found on hbo/cmax. So, here it is 6 months in and still no sex for me - knowing my husband, his getting off last night will hold him over another 6 months and there will be nothing for me - you could think i should be more assertive but don't assume i haven't been assertive in the past - i can't make him want to please me sexually, i can't make him try and do a good job - one of the most simple things that turns me on is kissing/breathing on the neck and near ears - do you know how often that happens? NEVER. The night before last - he kissed me goodnight like he always does - i asked him for a real kiss - something i probably haven't had maybe in a year or more. He gives me a real kiss - then rolls over and goes to bed. I've heard it all - maybe he has ED, maybe he is intimidated by not being able to please me - gay, cheating, addicted to porn, needs counseling - blah blah blah blah - not meant to be disrespectful - just stating that this is a very smart man - an attorney - and sex is a basic human need - so if he's not having sex with me and or trying to please me - well i feel that's a choice of his - and although he seems to do almost anything outside the bed to make me happy and please me - he isn't interested in doing so in the bed.

Tags:

sex over 40, xrated, sexless marriage

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36 Comments // 14 Members

jamesR45

Posted: Jun 17, 08 12:56pm

that's sad to read

you said he is an attorney - is he just working too hard and not stopping to "smell the roses" or in this case your vagina? when giving head - do you ever rotate into a 69?

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1 anonymous lady

Posted: Jun 17, 08 1:05pm

no, i don't like 69 - it's one of those positions where my brain doesn't turn off so i can't enjoy it - he's never suggested the position either

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IsadoraAlman

Posted: Jun 17, 08 1:16pm

His not firm erection,and his bruise aftwards lead me to think he may have a circulation problem that compounds his lack of interest. Let him know you're worried about his health and want him checked out by his M.D. Go with him if you can and ask the doctor about his loss of libido. That's the place to discuss. By the way, attorneys are no smarter about sex than other people.

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SusieQ321

Posted: Jun 17, 08 1:48pm

I would guess that it could be a combination of factors the stress of work and marriage I don't know about the bruise but I would urge him to get checked out also in case it is a blockage of something some where.

Good luck

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1 anonymous lady

Posted: Jun 17, 08 1:50pm

Thank you. He wouldn't go to a dr. if his dick was on fire. He isn't overweight at all but eats so much butter and meat - the only veggie he ever eats is iceburg lettuce - i guess this is just something i have to accept - i imagine it is stress but he keeps his own schedule so i know any stress he's under - he's creating it.

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Rush24

Posted: Jun 17, 08 2:23pm

I have no real answer other than I've known that feeling too. Just wondering why they don't seem interested or don't want to do anything. I've been told I'm good in bed but wonder why my wife doesn't seem to be interested in it. I'm pretty sure she's masterbating but when asked she denies it. I wish there were some kind of answer I could help you with other than I know how you are feeling, maybe not exactly but at least somewhat. Maybe knowing that others have been there, or are there, can help you not feel so alone in it. good luck.

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TammyTellMeSo

Posted: Jun 17, 08 3:57pm

disenchanted:

Unfortunately I now understand your name. I was in a sexless marriage until last September. (It took our marriage counselor, our Rabbi, his brother, my mother, friends and the dog just for him to agree to leave and do it.) Some things are similar between our husbands.

1st: as a few others have already stated: HE MUST MUST MUST SEE A MEDICAL DOCTOR. Take him yourself! No excuses. Either he goes or he may die due to his medical condition. And tell him since he may die later, you will kill him sooner if he does not go ... because either way he is dead. See the doc.

2nd: even if his problem was completely physical in the beginning -- now there are definitely emotional issues attached to it. I mean, it could have been all or partly emotional from the start. Now, that does not matter -- because the emotional issue is surely there.

3rd: are you in counseling?!?!!! If not, get there. The two of you can do individual or couples counseling. You can switch from one to the other; or do them both at the same time. Contact your health insurance company to discover what your benefits cover.

4th: whether his problem is physical or emotional or both ... it's NOT you! Definitely not you.

5th: email me directly if you need to vent more.

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