I always believed in monogamy. During my 25 year marriage I never thought about having a lover other than my husband. Sex is only a physical act. Sex with love is a beautiful experience. Even now dating I will not enclude sex unless it is understood that our relationship is exclusive.

I think alot of what you say is because you probably never have been exposed to or fell in love with another person of the opposite sex when you were married. Did you ever even have an intimate friendship with a close friend of the opposite sex while married? My guess is probably not.

This doesnt make it wrong but one i opened my heart and mind to the truth. I can say ive fell in love with 3 other women in the past years to include my wife. Have i been faithful to my wife in all this time. i can say yes ive never slept with another woman since ive been married . I in fact am hers but i still face the truth in that i like many have had/have multiple soulmates and some of those were married and some were not. I'm and going on 21 years of marriage.

We believe in monagamy. DH and I will be celebrating 20 happy years of marriage next month. There is nothing wrong with having friendships with people of the opposite sex when married, but it's crossing the line to become intimate with others, UNLESS BOTH spouses agree on an open marriage.

That said, Yes, I could have become intimate with a male friend, but chose not to go there because I deeply cherish the bond and commitment DH and I have made to each other. Crossing that line would betray him and go against my beliefs of marriage, besides the fact that I simply couldn't live with the guilt. I believe the whole point of marriage is to commit oneself to ONE person.

As I mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with having close friends. DH and I both have friends of the opposite sex and totally trust each other. I view these close friends as pseudo siblings, not soul mates and certainly not people who I would have sex with.

Monogamy as an end goal by itself makes no sense. What I look for is a relationship where OUR emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and sensual needs are met. If we can find each other, then monogamy is the natural outcome. If we can't find each other, then we will continue our search and promiscuity is a symptom, but the real issue is our inability to find what we seek.

Truthful,

Let me start by saying that everyone will have different opinions about this and that I don't think there really is a right/wrong type of answer. As you can see by the two responses, from women, monogamous relationships are important.

In our society, partially because of its christian/ethnic underpinnings, we have always considered monogamy, or specifically, marriage between one man and one woman, as the ONLY acceptable form of sexual relationship. So, in that sense, you could say marital monogamy is 'normal'.

But, with the advent of womens rights, all the way to the current debate about gay marriage, I would argue that our conventional ideas about marriage and monogamy are changing and being challenged every day.

There have always been and will always be, people who will have multiple sexual relationships. As there will always be people who are more comfortable with a single sexual partner for life.

As we transition to a more open and honest discussion of this topic, both types of relationships will need to be considered and valued. I believe that this will strengthen all types of relationships and will therefore ultimately benefit our society.

I think monogamous married sex is an ideal, it is something that most of us strive for and some of us are lucky enough to find.

There are others of us who, for reasons of our own, have consensual nonmonogamous relationships.

And finally there are the ones who feel the need to have relationships behind their partners backs.

I think the reason the majority of us strive for monogamy is the romance of it. It is romantic and wonderful to think there is one person out there who will fulfill all our desires. One person who we love and respect and would never consider acting on our attraction to another person for.

Unfortunately (or maybe not), that is not my reality.

Blossom, What is your reality?