My partner and I are open, have been for the 20 years we've been together.

It can be a lot of work, and I don't think it's for everyone, but it works well in our life together.

BTW, there have been quite a number of discussions on this. You might want to search TBD to find the discussions. There's been some, errrr, interesting points of view.

Good hearing from you. I will do a little searching when I get a bit more time. Thanks!

Hi Mike, My husband and I have been open for about six years now, married for...well, 30! I wanted him to be able to experience his sexuality with others besides me...since we married when he was 20 and I was 22, had kids shortly thereafter. I also wanted to experience things sexually w/others.

An open relationship works for us because we really trust each other and are very honest about who we are communicating with. However, we rarely do actually have a physical relationship w/someone outside the marriage - maybe a couple of times a year. On occasion, maybe once or twice a year, we will "play" w/another couple sexually - together, all four of us.

We don't "hit" on people in real life - either friends or strangers. Almost all of our sexual compatriots we have gotten to know online through IM, then met and got to know each other non-sexually, then decided to have a sexual encounter. Very much a process and a relationship, not a one night stand. Then we process that experience as a couple, by talking. We have learned a lot about ourselves and each other.

What have you found rewarding about open marriage? Also, what has been problematic? Thanks, good question!

Let me start by saying that Lisa and I communicate very well and talk openly about any attraction we feel toward others. This is actually something that works very well. We both feel that it is very hot. I enjoy watching Lisa be hit on by other guys and I love watching her respond. She feels the same way. You mentioned the fact that you have learned a lot about yourselves and each other through the process; I would say that is very true of us as well. Like you we don't really hit on people, although we tend to be very open, except in professional settings. For us, I think the biggest plus is the mental stimulation. I am way past the place in life where I need every woman I meet to want me, I'm 55, never was considered 'hot' and realistic. However, I enjoy flirting and having somewhat erotically charged conversations with others, especially other couples. So far we have not found anything to be problematic. However, we are now facing one year of separation due to professional training. It will be very interesing to see how this develops over the next year. No doubt we will face some adversity but I have confidence in the depth of our relationship.

Mike, Wow, sounds like the both of you are realistic and sexy! I agree with you, and Paul would too, that much of the flirting is done for mental and sexual stimulation. It's just fun to be able to converse with a couple about sexy things as well as politics or kids or whatever.

Interesting about your upcoming year of separation. Will you be able to see each other now and then - say every two weeks or once a month, on a weekend?

Paul and I also experienced a year long separation when I attended school in a different city. We were polyamorous then, and playing actively off and own with others. We committed to visiting each other every other week, and spending the weekends reconnecting. It was a bit tough - especially the ups and downs of having to spending time "reconnecting" each time - but we did grow as a result. I'm sure that if the two of you can communicate as well as you already must, and have the trust you already demonstrate, it will prove to be a great year! I wish you well.

My ex and I have an "open" relationship. I "opened" the door and tossed her out.

But seriously, I admire couples that are honest and open with each other. If my ex had been honest with me and explained to me that she needed to have sex with other men, we might still be married. We might not be, but the honesty would have been preferable to to the betrayal. It was the deception, lying, and cheating behind my back that forced me to toss her out.

Congratulations to you all.

I find myself on the other side of the table from the previous post. My wife came to me and told me that a work relationship was starting to pull on her sexually and she wanted to follow it where it led. In the past I would have considered that the end of our marriage. In fact two previous marriages ended in divorce over affairs. This time I just didn't want to end that way. Mostly this was because of my wife's honesty before the fact. Since then she has pursued other sexual experiences and we have kept open and honest and talking. Still very hard dealing with jealousy issues and a little unbalanced since I have not had my own experiences outside the marriage yet but overall it has opened a huge channel of honesty and passion within our marriage. I would call it worth the struggle and I feel better about the way I've handled these feelings than I have in the past. Is it a good thing for our growth and our marriage? Time will tell. We are committed to letting all these relationships seek their own level.