I have counseled many crosscultural couples in my 25 years as a therapist. The issue is still the same when there is such a desire difference. I sincerely doubt yours is solely a cutural issue. There are men from his country with higher libidos and lower ones, just like every country in the world, I'm sure.

If you can possibly find a marriage therapist from his background that might make it more attractive for him to go, but this issue will not settle itself without some serious negotiating...and maybe not even then I'm sorry to say.

Sad, but my wife is the same way. She is wonderful in bed, we are very compatible with what we want from sex, she reaches climax most every time, but she has long periods between desires. We have been working this out for 10+ years with no real change. My sex drive was way above hers. I have had to tone down my desires so as to not pressure her (well, the desire is still intense for me but I don't push it on her).

I don't think counseling will increase his sex drive. All I can offer is to play close attention to what turns him on, even the smallest thing, and use that to your advantage. You can even come up with new and imaginative suggestions and see what his response is (you never know when you will find some unusual "hot button") You will have to get used to the situation as it probably wont change much......Good Luck princess!

Sounds like low libido to me. Would he consider taking herbal supplements that have aphrodisiac effects? There's a product called "Pure Potency for Men" by HealthResources.com It contains herbs such as Maca root extract, Muira Puama, Rhodiola, horny Goat Week, Panax Ginseng, but also some L-Argenine and a few other things. I don't know anyone that has taken this and can testify to its effectiveness, but do check their web site and see what you think or what your husband might think. It just might work.

I understand your frustration. I'm also a highly sexual woman. Sex is much more than just a physical act... it's a total communication and exchange of energy.

Good luck to both of you. I wish you well.

I agree with Isadora. I would also suggest that you invest in one or more vibrators. Solo sex may not substitute for your husband's loving touch. But it can help deal with the desperation that's driving you crazy.

In response to PisceanAmber (whose diet suggestions on another post I heartily endorse). The Ginseng extract that comes in the wooden boxes from Korea and China (it has a "tarry" honeylike texture) dissolved in hot water 2 times daily works wonders. In addition, the suggestion of marriage counseling by a counselor familiar with his culture might also be helpful. There ARE cultural differences in the expression of sexuality.

IMHO, it seems your relationship is missing that single most important factor; shared deep passionate attraction. This, in my experience, is the magic of a relationship. Everything else is just nice-to-have.

surely you not the old hag that writes the ask isadora column that i laugh at every week in the hartford advocate. i have never read worse advice in my life