There are no "right" answers for you. You are in a bad situation with no easy answers. People will be hurt no matter what. It seems to me that one of you will find comfort outside the marriage at some point. I would say you could try to fix it, but if it has been 5 years already, that probably isn't realistic.

I guess I am showing my inclination, but there is no way I can understand all the features of your situation. And I have no special training or experience that qualifies me to give advice.

You have my sympathy because you have to make a decision. I hope that you find happiness.

Well, As right as GaryLL is, I would have to ask my Hubby if he's having an afair...no matter how much it hurts. However if he is "fine" as you stated & maybe he really doesn't "need" anything else, then a good counselor for YOU might be the answer. If he will go even better, but don't expect that to happen. It's only for your sanity. You did state that there wasn't a good sexual chemistry to begin with. Now if you had been "hot & heavy" for all these years that's a subject worthy of exploring with a professional.

But I can for say for sure it't not all you Babe. Good Luck & Many Blessings.

If the marriage isn't about anything except the children, if you bear most of that weight and your house is more like a shared rackroom than a home, then it isn't much of a marriage. From friends of advanced age, I learned that sex is a tidal force - sometimes at ebb, sometimes at surge. Having other things that make you appreciate each other prevents the marriage from totally drying out and allows you to ride it out until the water rises again. If you don't have those other things, you don't have a marriage, you have a roommate you rarely see.

I would seek out a good lawyer to protect the handicapped child's financial needs from both parents and I would walk. Seems both of you have drained that well dry. Is it possible that he is gay? Even today's young people often try to live straight because they want a traditional life, even when the sex has to be an effort, and eventually find it to be too much of a shadow existence, burying that part of themselves. Face it, except for the guys at either end of the spectrum, most young men would use a hole in a warm watermelon so being gay doesn't preclude the ability to perform heterosexually. You needn't feel bad about it, even though what he said seems rather cruel, because it seems that you have felt the same way about him for most of your marriage.

Only you know if he gives you enough love and respect and company to ride out the rough patch. If the sex is the only thing drying up, get yourself some naughty romances and a few battery operated toys and take care of yourself. But you write that you want someone who LOVES you and THEN you write someone who desires you so maybe something more than just sex is missing.

Do the old 'pro/con' list thing about your relationship. Put what works on one side and what doesn't on the other and see if the things on the broken side are really worth breaking the working side.

I wish you well. Every person deserves to feel desired, at least once in their lives.

Some people feel fine about a sexless marriage. Others, like you, do not. There's no right and wrong here. You feel what you feel, either libido or the lack of it. You can't "make" him change his tune if he doesn't want to. But I urge you guys to try sex therapy. Sex therapists are psychotherapist/marriage counselors with special training in sexual issues like yours. Any certified sex therapist would be very familiar with your issue. The therapist won't tell him to have more sex or you to want it any less. The therapist will coach you guys to see if you can work out some accommodation you both can live with. And if not, well, then you gave it your best shot, and maybe it really is time to move on. Even if your husband won't go with you, I urge you to go by yourself. I bet it would help to vent and the therapists can probably help you develop better coping skills, or help you deal with separating. Visit aasect.com, the Am. Assoc of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists. There's a tool: Find a Therapist. It gives you every one in your state or Canadian province. Good luck.

Do you still love each other? Do you know whether he loves you or not? Why did he marry you to begin with? If he's not having an affair, does he just have a decreased sex drive? Maybe he doesn't want to admit it, and blames it on no attraction to you. If so, has he considered going to see a medical doctor to see if he has low testosterone, low thyroid, anemia, or any other condition that would cause a decrease in libido? Just some ideas.

Do you want to stay married to him?

my dear sunshine. some time in life we have to do things that might not be appropiate at the time , but I will suggest you to have some way of making yourself be happy at any cost. when the husband does not find you atracctive any more is a blow to you self, and this is something very hurtfull for the soul and the body that is why you need to build back your confidence again regarless the way or mode.You need to find yourself beautiful, atractive ,and if you husband can not see it eye to eye, you need to see other side at least for a while, while the wound is heal. Find a man who makes you feel pretty for a while and everything will change. best wishes beatriz

I know how difficult it is to be in that situation and I completely empathize with the yearning to be appreciated. While it may not be a popular answer, my response is "Yes, I would stay." You have three children and in divorces, children pay the consequences for problems adults create - so before that happens, make sure you do everything humanly possible to resolve the issues between you and your spouse so that when the decision is made whether to leave or stay, you have no guilt about it because you know it is the right decision. I suggest marriage counseling. There are times when the day to day loss of courtesy between two people make any intimacy impossible. It's much easier to have sex with someone you like and marriage counseling can provide some strategies to help you like each other more or help you determine that it would be easier to nail jello to a tree than it would to like this person again. My two cents - I hope everyone in this situation can hang onto hope for happier times.