Good question!

I have always enjoyed watching porn with my partner.

My ex husband used to watch it without me at times. When it was once in awhile, it didn't bother me. However, it got to be an addiction for him and he would watch it on his own almost every day and/or night. He would insist that he was only downloading music (he was a musician so this was plausible)

Finally, I dug into what he was watching and his addiction progressed to the point where he was watching violent pornographic videos.

Unfortunately, his addiction destroyed our marriage.

There is alot of help out there for people who are addicted to this kind of thing and for the people who love them. This happened to be the last straw in a long string of problems that we had so I did not choose to pursue that kind of help.

I have dealt with alcoholics for a long time and I have seen alot of healing in relationships when the right help is taken. I do believe the same kind of help can help a couple deal with such a problem.

So the short answer is - I don't mind as long as it is not causing a problem in the relationship. I would prefer it's something that is done as a couple.

I read a lot of murder mysteries, but my husband does not worry that I am going to murder anyone. Nor does anyone wonder if I am "addicted" to them.

I guess I can't compare reading murder novels to watching videos of two men raping a 16 year old girl and being sexually aroused while doing so.

I also doubt you are reading murder novels so much that you are neglecting your responsibilities and relationships.

Fidget, I certainly did not mean to trivialize your situation. I think that anyone who neglects their obligations and responsibilities has a problem. I'm not sure if that problem is an "addiction" and I'm not sure that the problem is the porn, the murder mysteries, or anything else. The problem is that the person is choosing to ignore obligations. I think we should look at that problem rather than blaming the porn. As long as he's watching or reading and not doing, I don't think porn is the problem.

Man. Talia beat me to the punch. Awesome advice as usual.

This is one reason why I just can't get behind the idea of sex addiction. I do think you can use sex compulsively, the same way you can eat compulsively, work too many hours, play too much golf. But the issue isn't what you're doing, but why you're doing it, what you're avoiding, whatever.

I wholeheartedly agree with what you are both saying. The reason behind the addiction is where the focus should be, not on the specific addiction. I believe and have seen that when a person who is avoiding something by focusing on a behavior has to stop that behavior in order to uncover the problem - at the very least temporarily.

I have been asked privately to share my views here on the use of pornography. For me, watching others have sex is as uninteresting as watching any other sport being played. While I might admire someone's artistry or technique, I get bored with it very quickly. I'm just not into to spectator sports.

People who are more into visual stimulation do enjoy watching - whether baseball or just plain "balling". And that's all it is for some - stimulating visuals. Others use pornography as an avoidance of real life issues, often sexual ones with a real life partner. (I don't use the term sexual addiction in my practice).

I agree with what others have written - it's how often and in what way the porn is used rather than the use of it in itself that usually creates problems.