I know exactly how you feel. I don't know if there is a proper way to handle it besides professional help. And who can afford that? The only way I got over it was to look deep inside and make the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, face the fact that I am alone and get on with my life the best I can. I had to tell myself I am a grown man and I need to "find" myself all over again. I'm still in the process of that. And I just got laid off last week so now I have that to deal with too. Maybe you should talk to your son. At least he is a real person you can see and talk to face to face. The alchohol isn't going to help a thing, by the way. The problem will still be there afterwords. There is nothing wrong with a drink once in a while, but it's not a solution.

If you want to stop drinking, I suggest you attend an AA meeting. AA works. Or talk to your doctor. Or clergy person. Alcoholism is a HUGE problem everywhere in the U.S. I'm sure there are lots of community resources that might help you. But YOU have to want to stop drinking. And YOU have to be the one to stop. No one can do it for you.

Gods love is never ending---he will be there to pick you up whenever you fall! Those nasty ugly feelings need to be addressed---see a specialist, and don't leave your kids out of the discussion. If you cant see a therapist, seek help from either a priest, minister---whoever is available!! If you have these feelings frequently, seek help as soon as you can! Everyone on this site can post or email but as far as advise, you need to talk to a professional. Please see someone, amd keep us informed! I know how you feel--I am bipolar, manic depressive and borderline adhd. I understand why you don't want to ask for help, you have to bite the bullet and ask! email me anytime at sfco@ptd.net

thank you for taking the time to let me know that I'm not the only one that feel lost and hopeless and I did talk to my son well actually he talked to me and that makes me feel better. I'll pray to God for me and you may we both find work soon and may our lives have new and better things. thanks

yes I know I'm the only one that can help myself and I'm looking into it because I don't want to relay on alcohol to take care of problems.

I have recently begun to talk to some ladies that are showing me how to use the bible and understand that God does love me and like you said he will be there to pick me up yes I am going to see how I can get professional help. and thank you for your support I know things are not easy but I hope I'm the right path to getting my mind in order. thank you

You sound like even if you're an alcoholic, at least you're looking at it honestly.

I know how you feel a little--that it would be easier to be dead.

I hope that you will choose one action to do, one day this week, that eases the pain.

For me, what eases the pain is planting a flower in the backyard. I can also talk to a friend. I can also paint a rock.

That's just a little thing, but I wish for something like that, non-alcoholic, that you can do to ease your pain for a little while, while you're doing it. Just one time.