I don't know if I am just bored out of my wits or I truly wanted to vent. Yet if I vent I know I am only going to prolong the issue. But I need some closure.

The question is: Should I remain guilty of breaking up a relationship just because I got tired of taking care of things that I shouldn't really be responsible for?

When I got into this relationship, I already knew of his health problems. Yet I accepted the ring that he put on my finger (what was I thinking?) and had not complained about the living situation which I think he might have thought of to be as a "given". By the time I realized what was going on, he had already put up his house for sale and we were moving his "stuff" into my house -- meaning, the live-in situation is to be permanent. (I can see brows lifting).

What else should be expected of engaged couples other than to live together, regardless of having exchanged vows already or not?)

The first couple of months were ok. The next few were bearable. I kept ignoring the fact that I feel like my space is being invaded because I could hardly do anything without having to be consumed by stress. Reality stress. The household chores, the increasing utility and maintenance bills, the building of relationships with each family, the acceptance into each other's circle of friends... and the dying attraction. Because after all, we are (were) engaged. But when the health issue started to become a mood stressor than proof of unconditional love, I quit!

Before any one of you pass your judgement, please consider the fact that I had, since the beginning of time, constantly encouraged him to take steps toward taking care of himself (i.e., be active, stop smoking, eat healthy, etc). It even came to the point where the encouragement turned into a nagging routine of reminding him to take his medication or of asking him if he had done so already. And not only once did we discuss this issue -- making him aware of the fact that I was starting to feel uncomfortable with the position I had put myself in -- that of taking care of him.

I know I am going to get mixed responses and reactions. You ask: "Why shouldn't you take care of him? Isn't that your obligation or obligation-to-be?"

Well, the truth of the matter is that his lack of concern for his well-being, his lack of self-respect on top of his lack of disposition, has put a great distance between us. To put it bluntly... I had fallen out of love.

" I love you" and " I am IN LOVE with you" are two completely different feelings. I love him and I care for him... but I am no longer in love with him. And because the flame is gone, the interest and the attraction are gone. The "unconditional" in unconditional is also gone.

Did I do him wrong, you think?

I empathize. This is a tough situation. I personally think that your partner has a responsibility to take care of himself to the extent he is able. We all do. And as his partner, I think you can be present and supportive without nagging or lecturing, letting him make his own choices for himself.

Of course, easier said than done. After all, his decisions to not take care of himself affect you as well. They limit your choices and life as well as his. If you love someone and want to be with them, you want them to do the things they need to do to be healthy. When they don't, it's hard not to nag.

I think you can make it clear how you feel (sounds like you have, more than once), but if he doesn't change and the resulting situation is untenable for you, then you have to make the some tough choices for yourself. I highly recommend counseling. Having someone to help you work through this--whether it's couples counseling or individual counseling--can make all the difference in the world. I wish you the best.