Did you know that withholding sex is not about sex?

Go to a therapist by yourself if your husband is unwilling to join you in couples therapy.

I'm very sorry you're having to deal with the pain of this.

It's a truly wonderful thing for a wife to be willing to do any sexual thing her husband wants whenever he wants it. That's many a man's ultimate fantasy.

But apparently not your husband's. Partner sex and masturbation are both sexual, but they're two entirely different experiences. Kinda like the difference between the big screen and Netflix. Both are movies, but they're different experiences. Partner sex means pleasing someone else and orchestrating taking turns giving and receiving pleasure. Now that's often great fun. But sometimes a man (or woman) wants to take a vacation from sexual responsibility and just please him- or herself. Hence a preference for masturbation over partner sex.

I don't think anyone has the right to regulate a spouse's masturbation. People have a right to self-pleasure. But when masturbation interferes with partner sex to the point where the partner feels as pissed off as you do, then I think the two people need to sit down and work out a partner-sex frequency they can both live with comfortably, and work their masturbation around it.

If your husband does not negotiate in good faith, if you remain frustrated, then I'd suggest sex therapy. To find a certified sex therapist near you, visit www.aasect.org, the site of the Am. Assoc. of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. The site lists therapists state by state. Good luck.

maybe he enjoys masterbatuion more than sex with the wife

I think we have two related, but different issues here. One is the masturbation and the other is that you are being ignored. It might be helpful to separate these in your mind as you try to work on a solution.

Many people (men and women) who are in healthy, sexually active, long term relationships still masturbate. It is different from partner sex in so many ways and sometimes it's just what you want/need. I don't think the main concern here ought to be his masturbation.

The issue that is of primary importance is that you feel you are being ignored. It could just as easily be golf, his work, or his family. You have legitimate needs and desires that are not being met in this relationship. I think that is the conversation you need to have with him (alone or with a counselor). If you make the conversation about his masturbation, you give him an easy out by getting defensive. If you have a straight (non-blaming)discussion of what you want and need, then the odds of him hearing you are a bit better. There is still no guarantee that he will change, but at least you open the possibility

What about masturbation because wife lost all libedo, and i am to honest to cheat ??? It's not fair to me that she is the only sex partner i will till death do us part and

I'm so horney that I have to masturbate to get relief??

MarkLynn, you're right, it isn't fair when one person in a monogamous couple refuses sex. Masturbation is some relief, but often not sufficient. Talk to your wife and get the two of you into sex therapy to find a compromise that will work for both of you.

hi there