As you have been in a relationship with him for quite a few years, is it moving along nicely, or is it stagnant? While it might be wrong to invade his privacy, unless he left the diary clearly visible and open, the fact is that you did view its contents. You know what's going on and he is lying to you.

If this was my significant other I would confront him with what you know, and also personally feel that it's quite appropriate to reveal the source, so that he knows you have direct proof that is irrefutable. To heck with worrying about the morals of opening someone else's diary when so much is at stake.

Obviously, his surreptitious behavior with the other woman cannot continue the way he is planning and attempting to conceal. It's either you or her, and he had better make his mind up fast!

There are other people at tbd in a better position to post knowledgably on these issues, but I'm struck by your post.

My first thought is: why are you sneaking through his diary? It seems to me that you didn't really trust him for some reason.

You say that you've been going with the guy "on and off" for over three years. I for one am not hearing "love" here.

Get real with yourself about him. I'm just another woman who's been in the same situation, not some expert, but I think he's just another dude playing a game.

Don't tell him you snooped on him, because it will give him a chance to make you the villain to justify his potential affair with a married woman. He's already made that decision. My hunch is that this one is not the only one in the time you've known him.

Just decide that it's over, and pack it up. You can do better than the sneaky sleaze. He doesn't love you, and you don't trust him. You don't need to go into any dramatic accusations or recriminations. Cut him off with the dignity of somebody in control of her own life, and get on with it.

You may miss him for awhile, but that will pass. All the best...

I agree totally! Resolve to protect your self-esteem and don't allow him to dictate how you feel about yourself. If you were married and/or there were children involved, you might need to handle it differently, but in this situation you need to be in control of yourself. You decide that this relationship is not best for you and by all means, move on, keep making yourself better. Then, you will attract better.

He's going behind your back seeing someone else. Meanwhile, you're going behind his spying on him. It doesn't sound like these activities represent the most shining hour of this relationship.

You have three choices. You can confront him. You can wait and see. Or you can up and leave right now. Depending on the circumstances, any of the options might feel justified. But you haven't been very forthcoming about the circumstances, so no TBDer can offer informed advice. You might provide more details.

But it's really up to you. There's no right or wrong here, just what makes the most emotional sense to you. What does?

If he admits to you he is considering being intimate with her he probably has already. Don't give in to him it will be at your emotional expense.

What do you think would happen if you told him you knew?

You sound like your afraid to confront him because he might choose the other relatinship over yours.

I would rather be alone.

Let me just start by saying, when I said I 'read his diary', I am actually reading his email. I found out his password and now I am reading what he and this other woman are planning. I would never want him to know that this is how I found out. I almost feel I wish I never found out his pw. Is this my bad Karma biting me now? I know that up to date, there has been little physical contact between him and this other woman. But like I said, the getting together alone is in the works with them. He picks her up during her lunch hour in the day, and go to different restaurants. I almost want to follow them, because I know which places they go, and confront him then. If I didnt know what I know, I wouldnt believe it myself. He gets an Academy Award for his acting twds me. I would never of had a clue. But I do. And now its time for me to make a decision. Expecially if they are considering 'doing the deed'. Since I know all that I know, i'm not myself with him and he knows it. He continues to ask me 'what is the matter'. I just cant believe that this is even happening to me. I just had no idea I am with someone who lies with the straightest of face. It hurts bad. I've been tricked.