Hi a2kathy,

Ask him. You can be matter of fact about it and make sure you let him know there are no hard feelings either way.

One of two things will happen if you ask. Either he'll say yes and that would be great. Or he'll say no and that would free you to pursue someone who is available.

If you don't ask him, you won't get an answer.

Be brave, girl!

This could be a tough one but my first reaction is that he's just not into having a relationship with you or maybe anyone. I'd recommend that you quit giving him excuses and back off. If you want to, leave the door open but make it clear that the ball is in his court and then in your head make a deadline and stick to it. I worry who's out there "looking" for the wonderful you and you're all wrapped up around this guy! Go for life and love and let a man come into your life who will nurture you, care about you, love you and have less baggage. I'm seriously giving you the same advice I've given to clients and to MYSELF too! Be good to you and pay attention so that you don't attract men who need too much and are just not available. Wait for the right guy and keep your eyes wide open! Good Luck!

Amen, Mockingbird. How many times have I missed out on a good guy while I'm focusing on someone who is not available to me.

Life is too short.

Thanks for the advice. I actually haven't left the door closed on other men. To be honest, I've been wanting to do things with this guy in a group setting to get to know him better, no one on one. I've known people in this church group that have done it this way in developing a friendship of trust, etc. I'm just now starting to get to know him and we are both learning we have lots in common. I think if he has interest, it may just take him awhile to trust. As far as I can tell, he's one to wait on yet I still do stuff in groups with other men and women. I've found due to my lack of trust with men in the past, for me developing friendships with men rather than dating in numbers works for me. I've made quite a few men friend. I've been on the dating scene for 10 years now and have done it wrong with the wrong men. I'm determined to be patient and doing it right with the right men in developing trust and friendship. If he doesn't pan out at least I've made a friend. As to baggage, I've seen way worse than his. Time will tell I guess. As to asking him if he wants to date, not doing that - it's up to him.

I can understand your caution with this man but there is a time to act, after which you are doomed to be "just friends" forever. Can't you find some logical extension of your time as a group to extend a casual one on one invitation, perhaps after a game of some sort? There is a deep gap between "chasing" and extending social feelers. I suggest finding that gap and step across it. It's fine to let him know you're interested and then wait and see if he does anything about it.

Well, part of me is putting up a little brick wall and making it not easy for him to ask me out. Did I tell you he's a psychologist? He came back at our last group outting that I put together that he wants to do one with me in playing whirlyball - where we first met a year ago. So the guy is smart enough probably to figure out how I feel comfortable. He definately was giving interest signs last week skiing. I think the two of us being cautious and we have actually been having fun this past month - doing 4 things together in a group setting. So yep, New Years resolution, see where to go from here after the Whirlyball thing. Maybe ask him to "meet" for dinner to discuss putting it together. I don't think we are in that stage of "friends forever". It's more like becoming friends right now and having fun... I'm to the point now after getting to know him over this past month that he is someone I want to date. Wish me luck.