You can not have both, its not fair to your husband or the other mans wife. I can see where it can happen and you are not a bad person. are you involved with the other man?

Scott

I'm not sure what advice you want from us. You probably know your choices. You can continue both relationships as they are, you can try and arrange a non-monogamy agreement with your husband, you can end it with this other guy, you can leave your husband. Once you decide which end result you want, how to proceed will probably be fairly obvious.

Of course you can have both. You've managed that for 6 years. But you can not expect it to continue without something going wrong. Most people who practice honest polyamory (loving more than one person simultaneously) do so successfully when all parties are aware of what's going on. When people cheat and keep secrets the dangers of broken hearts and marriages are greatly increased. Do some online research on Polyamory and Open relationships to see how others have managed.

I'm not a bad person at all, matter of fact far from it. It was very nice to hear a guy say, it can happen and actually understand. I have lived my life so honest and then this has happened. It's not fair, I agree. I could hurt my husband deeply. I have been involved during those yrs. We worked together, then we didn't and we kept in contact for 3 yrs after till now. We are working on not seeing each other.

I agree, but not all parties are informed. So it's best to get out, agreed?

Decide if you really care about your marriage.

If you do, either stop it, or negotiate an open marriage.

If you don't, then do whatever you want. Don't let him find out, no matter what, betrayal is a very painful thing.

Secrets and betrayal kill a marriage either quickly (if he finds out) or slowly by killing the intimacy and putting something between you.

The hard question is to honestly answer the question if you really value the marriage, do you want/need it to be good?

My own view is that you can't maintain an affair over a long period and have a meaningful marriage. You can probably have a crappy one, as long as he doesn't find out.

Of the two men, who do you really, truly love?

Of course, when you have times with your lover, you don't have the many distractions of day-day life to contend with. You can just focus on yourselves. This puts youre husband at a severe disadvantage. Of necessity, much of your time with him will not be self-centered good times.