You have created your own situation by putting up with it. If all you are worth is his emotional sloppy seconds then that is what you will get.

If he has big problems in his life and doesn't get along with his own kids, why are you investing your life in him? There is a strong message in everything he is doing but you refuse to read it. She is his emotional support. You are his CPA. You are right about her not being part of your life if she was just a friend. I have female friends and they are my wife's friends as well. If WE don't get along with them, I don't have them in my life. They are not emotional necessities. They are professional colleagues I met along the way and they entered OUR lives, not MY life. They are all married and their spouses are part of the relationship as well.

His life is a typical cheater's life. It is built on lies and deceits. And he of course tells you you are wrong in what you are thinking instead of listening to what you have to say.

Stick with him if you choose a long life of misery.

Desperation often breeds blindness, don't you know?

Young lady, I think you've been listening to too many of them old country songs like "She's a Good Hearted WO-mun in love with a Good Timin' Man" or "Stand By Your Man."

Your feller is playin' house with you and virtual footsie with the gal on the dating site.

He's havin' his cake and eatin' it, too.

I ain't a-gonna argue with you if you think you love him, 'cause I know in reason it wouldn't do any good. I think it's time for some of them smart people to come up with some other word, because "love" has come to mean something cheap and sentimental that ain't got the first thing to do with the real thing.

Love him if you want to call it that, but he'll run you slap crazy.

I think it is important for men and women both single and attached to have friends of all genders and relationship status. If there is something specific about this relationship that makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell him that. Ask for what you want from him. I know when I'm feeling a little jealous from time to time that usually means I need some reassurance from my sweetie. If I ask for that clearly, I usually can get it. If I accuse him of doing something wrong, he gets defensive (as I would). Try a clear statement of what upsets you and what you want.

Good luck.

Talia

Thanks, I have spoken to him about this, and he feels he's allowed female friends. I don't denide him that, but to include me in that friendship as I do with my friends with him. He told me we'll never meet as he knows I'd speak my mind and tell her the truth, and embarrass him for telling her different. He is a great guy, he was there for me through some very tough times and I mean tough. I don't see why Granny went off the way she did as I hate country music. I stand by him as he has for me. I was taught never to turn my back on someone who has been there for you and helped you through bad times. We have good times, share much with each other, but I feel she is a threat at times. Ive met only one friend of his so far and that was a lady he dated at one time and just became friends. We went to dinner with her and her husband and had a great time, and No it didn't bother me she was someone he had dated at one time. I just don't understand why he continues helping this e-mail friend who he's never met. As she appears to me as a fraud or just dip with no clue of how to get a life of her own.

Milt

You have good points, I was raised to never turn my back on someone who is having tough time in life. He has been there for me many times, I've had some really tough times and he didn't run but stood by me.. This is why I choose to stand by him and help him through a tough time in his life. Isn't that part of a relationship being there and not turning your back because of a problem. What you said about having female friends and they are inclued in your wifes life is excatly what I've been telling him. If this is a friend it should include me, as I have with my friends with him. What I'm really asking is M I wrong to feel these e mails with a woman he's never met, just that or is it cheating. He shares most of the letters from her and together we discuss them, but there is just times I feel she's playing her self up to him about her dates. I didn't come on here to have him or me slammed, just looking for advice, someone to confide in and help me to sort my feelings over this so called female friend of his.

Granny

I'm not a country music fan, in fact I dislike country music. I raised 4 great kids and helping him through a tough time with his. It's hard joining 2 families together, no one ever said life is easy. but I do at times feel like your one statment about playing house and virtual footsie with this female. I don't think I love him, I know I love him I'm at an age in my life right now I know the differance. Like I've responded to the other comments he was beside me through some very hard times and I won't turn my back on him, it's not how I was raised. I just want to know M I wrong to think he's doing a form of cheating. I've expressed this to him many times that I feel helping her is hopeless and it's gone on long enough. He's never met her in person. That if she is a friend then that friend should include me.

Bethanna, Neither Milt nor Granny flamed you. Since no one knows all of your situation but you, the opinions expressed were based solely on the information in your post. This is a public forum. If you present a situation in a public forum, you have to expect comments you may not agree with. I've been on here long enough to know that there is not one unkind person on TBD. Were you merely looking for validation from your post ? You keep saying that you truly love your boyfriend. That being the case, you probably will not like what anyone says.The ONLY one you need to talk to about this issue, is your boyfriend. Communicate, as has been suggested. You're old enough to make a judgment call. What you do , has to be your decision.You have instincts, use them. You may need to look inside your self for your answers.