Are you an actual mother of seven kids despite being only 31, or are some of them stepchildren? You must have your hands full.

Is your husband texting/e-mailing a girlfriend, or are his energies directed to a web site lounge with nobody in particular?

You can check on his texting, I believe, by looking at your phone bill, seeing if they itemize.

You're "talking" in a lounge here, so such chatting is not always a bad thing.

There has been a big debate here at tbd whether or not Internet communication constitutes cheating. If you suspect it is cheating, then you must continue to insist that it remains stopped and that it's affecting your marriage.

Has he been to a therapist with you?

Hi TonyA, I know that I did not say everything but it went a little deeper than just talking like we are, this was telling lies how he only had 2 children, and i read these text messages girl had all of her goods hanging out, the thearpist was saying when your exchanging feelings and emotions that's considered cheating. I had other issues to where he was talking to a girl on his cell phone and I ended it by letting her know he was married w children. She had went out with him behind my back, she thought that he was separated from me with 2 children, and she was saying that he told her he loved her and she believed it she was saying he wanted his cake and eat too. But she was really upset that he lied to her, But right know he's not doing anything but it just seems like I always have to have my guards up!! I always pray, that's the number one key!

Your question is how can you trust again and I'm afraid the answer is that you can't. Until he behaves in a trustworthy manner, doesn't take time away from you and the children to play online games, until he shares with you who is friends are, you have no reason to trust him just because he asks you to.

By the way, you two get to define together wat cheating is. Don't just swallow what the therapist said unless it feels right to you.

Hi lsadoraalman, I'm very comfortable with the thearpist actually this thearpist is a family thearpist, he use to do thearpy with adults only but now with family. I wanted to say thanks for your advice. your right about behaving in a trustworthy manner, normally how this starts is every year when tax time comes he will go get a new cell phone, then I notice that's when I'll get really up tight with wondering what's he doing on there, what I mean by being in a lounge is that he will enter in a lounge for singles and will lie about being single, I believe he thinks that this not cheating because he's just talking, but once you start sending emotions that's something different.now that he's into playing the online games with his guy friends he's willing to give up the cell phone(saving money)I know that he may be telling the truth about he's not doing nothing, but what got me was he told me that when he sign up for the lounge he thought that it was a lounge where you meet old school mates, but i told him even if it was that i don't think I would trust that either. I know why I feel this way because when I was told this a lot of times and sure enough he was lying, This time he says really I'm not doing anything. i'ts like I never got over the first, second, and so on becasue we will talk about it then it's ok well leave it in the pass and move on, well I now it's like even though that's been a while I still have my guards up still acting like the wife I am and takig care of everyone, I just got to the point now where i don't even worry about it I just know when god reveals it to me I cannot just let this keep going on, because it seems like it's a on and off thing that he does, you would have thought that i would have left when I found out about the one female that he was texting a year ago, making me think that he was washing clothes, but really texting her even at work sent pictures, of private parts, and she's did the same thing back until I step in and told her about him being married to me and how many children. She was saying that she was coming here before she was told this, So he agreed to change ohone number and to stay out of what ever lounge he was in. One time before I was hurt again when he was saying he ran into a friend, but this i don't know the truth about where they met up at I just know that I stop that also and this person was upset because he told her he loved her, even was going out with her while I was pregnant and sick, then one day I check his voicemail and she was saying if you don't come I will make other plans, but the day I called her up and told her everything she was hurt becasue he lid to her!! Sorry I just wanted to put mostly everything out so I can get the best advice!!! So as of right now far as I know there's nothing going on.

Well I am in a similar situation and I do not think I am handling it right. My husband of 17 years recently left me for 4 days over a person on messenger and text message calls from another state. He decided to come back but I do not think I should have let him. He blames my inattentiveness to him and cleaning of our home instead of his emotional cheating with someone we really do not know.

I have only my kids in my mind when he came back but I thought I needed him too. I respected my vows and felt that our loyalty to each other would keep us together through good and bad. I at first blamed myself for not seeing that he needed my attention but now I resent him. I didn't get any attention either but I didn't turn to anyone else for love-he did. I was willing to work on our marriage, he just wanted to bale out without talking about the issues.

You need to know that he is in the marriage and wants to put effort into being your mate. If there are other people who are in his thoughts and he is keeping them in his life in any aspect, then he has no respect for you or the marriage. He is keeping his options open just in case. It is a marriage of two people- him and you. Do not let him control all he wants and throw a bone to you. You are worth all his love and attention.

You have every right to feel betrayed by his Internet chat and texting to other women. But here's my question: Is he just doing that? Or is he intent on meeting them? There are levels of betrayal. If it's all over the Internet, then that's less of a threat than his actually taking steps to meet these people. For some men, the fantasy would be enough, a sort of escape valve from the mundane, kind of like the way most men use porn. You have every right to feel what you feel. But if it's all a fantasy to him, well, that beats the alternative.

MichaelCastleman,

Fantasy is great but all this is involves real people. Even if it is on the internet, these people are real somewhere in the world and I take it seriously when someone else says they love my husband. I do not know if it is fantasy for them or not. But I asked him to not text or message this person and he would not give it up for me. He chose to leave me and his kids to decide whatever he wanted to decide over .

He came back 4 days later with the agreement that he would not talk to this person but over a month later I caught him messaging this person--he had never stopped. And this person is not a woman. So it leaves me with many questions and no answers. I have 17 years with this person and I am just reeling with disbelief.

I think his confusion over what he wants to do with the rest of his life and his not being honest with me will destroy our marriage. He is obsessed with messenger and texting. It is his life every single night-even when I am home. I want a life with him, not around him.