Abusers always say they are sorry but it is only a point on a repeating cycle. Abuse has nothing to do with alcoholism. It is a separate issue and can be exacerbated by alcohol but had to be there to begin with. Abusers are born, not created by Jim Beam.

Sometimes, an abused spouse will blame the alcohol to make another excuse for the man ruining her life. When the alcohol stops, the abuse continues and there is no longer a convenient excuse.

It is like putting a pretty pink bow on an asshole. With or without the bow, you still have an asshole!

Go see a competent therapist and prepare yourself for a new life without his abuse. If he chooses to fix himself, fine, but let him do it himself, not with you in the room. Abusers are the second most manipulative people in the world. The first? Sociopaths. Abusers can change if they want to which often they don't. They are people who feel so badly about themselves that they aren't happy unless they are controlling someone else. Abuse is just a vile extension of attempts to control and manipulate someone else's life.

All abusers are both bullies and cowards. When you do stand up to them - in a way that is safe for you - they crumble like a stale cookie. By safe for you, I am looking at the physical abusers with whom your very life is in constant jeopardy. When you confront one of them it is best to do so in the presence of the police with the abuser behind bars.

Best of luck to you. Remember: It isn't his choice whether to stay or not. IT IS YOURS!

The emotional abuse will stop when you stand up to him and/or leave. It generally does not stop by the abuser's choice but when the target refuses to be abused one more minute.

Although the drinking and the abuse are related, they are two different issues. It is great that he's stopped drinking, but now he MUST work on the abuse. You need to be very clear about what is and is not acceptable behavior and what the consequences will be. This is not a threat to do something ridiculous like throw his clothes out on the street, but real consequences that you are willing to carry out. He will not change unless he is unwilling to live with the consequences of his behavior. You need to set those limits.

When you leave.

I agree with MiltT, Isadora, and Talia.

I give my Thanks to all of you. I feel so alone. Not lonely, but just alone.

He states that he really does want to change and does want to stay married. About the throwing his stuff out the front door; that came about when he said he was going to leave for the night and come back the next day for his stuff.

I just told him that if he walked out on all of us, he would not ever be able to come back in and he could collect his crap out on the front lawn. And if he had a problem with that I would call the Police and enforce every bit of it.

I am the one that will not leave. We have three others living here and if anyone is going to leave, it will be him. He will pay for us to have a place to live, pay alimony, and anything else the big grizzly lawyer would want for our son.

I already went through hell by helping raise his bi-polar daughter from age 12-17 by myself with a newborn and two other children while he was overseas.

I am just really sad. Sad for my kids and for me. I have decided to just focus on me and whatever he needs to do is what he will do.

He is going to AA everyday now and in with a good Psychiatrist and Therapist. And I am seeing someone as well.

It's just so wierd, cause when we talk, I don't feel like I know him at all. What was the last straw for me was that he had cooed me all night and wanted to have sex. So when it was time to go to bed, we began our dance, he had me to the point of orgasm......and he stopped, made sure he had his pleasure and rolled over and started to go to sleep and left me high and dry!

It pissed me off so bad.

I told him it would be a cold day in hell before he had anything as good as me again.

But who knows, he probably doesn't care anyway.

Well, I will stop......anyway, Thanks, yall. What would you do if your partner did that to you??

yes, it's just on a daily basis that I feel like i have been kicked in the teeth! it has been really horrible.

i just try not to engage with him.

but sometimes it is unavoidable.

right now i have had to withdraw.

but it doesnt feel good to me.

i do love him, but i love what i remember of him, not the him that he is right now.

i have never known him to be this way.

even when he was drinking.

but when he drank, he did not drink like you would think an alcoholic would drink....he just couldn't stop once he got started.

and he used it to cope.

but when he was overseas for a long time....he would not drink for months at a time....and he was fine.

it is just wierd. i did not have a clue he was this way when we met. and he did know....said he did know....and admitted he did not tell me.....i don't know.

it just really makes me sad.