I am having difficulty deciphering what your problem really is. He is under no obligation to do what you want him to do but you are upset because he is doing what he felt was important.

When you say you've been with someone, it sounds like the same commitment I have with my grocer. He isn't with you, apparently, even though you are with him.

You chose to keep the relationship uncommitted and being with someone obligates you to treat them with respect when you are with them and little more.

If you are not happy with this arrangement with him, move on. Before you do, look at what you are getting from the relationship and weigh the positives and negatives.

With someone is not like marriage. Marriage requires compromise and is a contract that both of you signed on for. Being with someone can end when one of you walks out the door in the AM.

He seems to be getting exactly what he wants out of the relationship. if you are not, you are free to find a new someone to be with. Maybe next time, you will make more demands in the beginning. Then you have a better position to negotiate from.

Best of luck to you and whatever you do, don't settle for the short end of the stick for the rest of your life. When you settle, you get exactly what the other person promised: Nothing!

I understand what you are saying, but I thought a relationship, as well as marriage, was about compromise and communication. I am not trying to get someone to do "what I want them to do" I would just very much appreciate a converstaion about what "we" are doing occasionally. There has been talk of him wanting to get married, but under no circumstances would I get married if I am never considered when making plans. You are right, I would be settling for the short end of the stick if I was the last person he chose to do something with. I guess I thought maybe I was going about it the wrong way because I shut him out whenever he "lets me know" what he is doing. Thank you for your thoughts and input. I guess maybe I thought there were other people out there who would understand this situation. He is a good guy for the most part and is with me more than he is not.

You have three choices: You can accept things as they are. You can work to change them. Or you can leave. You say you're at your wits end. So you don't want to accept his lack of communication. So you're down to change it or leave. If you don't want to leave, then you need to figure out some way to get through to him. Have you considered counseling?If you have a clergy person, that's often less intimidating than a therapist. But if you don't want to go nuts or leave, you have to get through to him. You know him better than any of us TBDers do. Time to get creative.

Michael's solution amkes a lot of sense.

I agree with Michael. Couples issues always come down to accept him or it, work to change it, or leave the relationship. How long you work at changing things, how creatively, and when to give up are the real variables here.

You can not change anyone but yourself. If you are unhappy, look at yourself, it isn't that you are wrong, or right, it simply is impossible to change another person. If you look at yourself, make positive changes in yourself, then your partner will change too. When one person in a situation changes, the dynamics are changed. But remember, you can't direct or necessarily predict the eventual outcomes. Since you are the one who desires the change, it is upon you to do so. Not fair, not fun maybe not even plausible, but it is still the way it is. Any further attempts to push, pull, goad, explain to him will probably be met with further resistence. Invest your energy elsewhere. If the relationship improves, great, if it doesn't, and you eventually end it, you have at least made some positive improvements in yourself. Good luck, been there done that as they say.

Well it after the fact of course. but anyway it seems to me that he is doing whatever he wants to do and could care less about how your feeling about anything when it comes to communication, either he has been this person all a long and you didnt know it or you put up with this behavior from him and now you gotten yourself in a bind,,,But without communication in any releationship how will this releationship make it? it wont.