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If you find him boring, why do you stay with him? Do you want to communicate with him or change him? If it is the latter, good luck. Write about it afterward because you will be the first in the history of civilization to accomplish it.
It sounds as if this relationship has run its course. The two of you got past the stage where you were on your best behavior and settled into whatever you were the rest of your life.
Now, it sounds like you'd both rather settle for mediocrity in a relationship rather than risk everything and maybe find that there is nothing better out there.
The problem with having a boyfriend as an adult is that boyfriends are what you have before you develop a long-term relationship where the words and meanings change.
I had a girlfriend early in life
But when I grew up, I wanted a wife.
I found that a girlfriend was simply a stage
But a wife was my lover for all of my age.
So that's where it's at
If I can be blunt
In the end we all get
Just what we want.
So, good luck with whatever decision you make. Start with reality and not some fantasy about putting a new coat of paint on an old house. It needs major repairs not cosmetic touch-up.
I have a hard time telling him my true feelings. He is a good man. Just boring, and really not interested in the things I think are important. Not sure if this is going to last. Too bad after all this time.
First you need to decide if YOU want it to last. If not, then end it. If so, then I'd suggest couple counseling to help you guys talk to each other and hopefully rekindle the romance. Or, it not, therapy can help you separate graciously.
There is ONE way that is fail proof and once you master it never fails.
It was developed By L.Ron Hubbard.
It is called ARC.
Picture these three letters in a TRIANGLE, a very Balanced one.
A at the TOP THEN R then C...
when it is all balanced you will achieve UNDERSTANDING.
If not, you will only and always have MISUNDERSTANDING, or as it is called, ARC BREAK!
each letter stands for an important part of obtaining UNDERSTANDING...when understanding is not met the triangle is uneven.
affinity-reality-communication (ARC) triangle: a triangle which is a symbol of the fact that affinity, reality and communication act together to bring about understanding.
No point of the triangle can be raised without also raising the other two points, and no point of it can be lowered without also lowering the other two points.
LOOK at each LETTER to find out where it is unbalanced and FIT it.
A= AFFINITY, the degree of liking or affection or lack of it. It is the feeling of love or liking for something or someone.
It is better if you have AN equal affinity for each other.
R= REALITY:that which appears to be. Reality is fundamentally agreement — what we agree to be real is real.
C=Communication, getting an idea from one person to the other, and having it understood and acknowledged.
EXAMPLE: BOY: HI, I LIKE YOUR SHOES.
GIRL:WELL DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT THEM?
BOY: NO, I JUST LIKE THEM ON YOU!
GIRL: OH OK I GOT IT, YOU LIKE MY SHOES! THANK YOU!
Communication comes in MANY forms.
Forgive my caps here I am not yelling, just showing emphasis on some words.
It is spoken, psychical, written & jesters, etc.
Now add on these simple rules Never have a serious discussion if either one or both are hungry, tired, or uncomfortable.
You didn't make it clear that you had confronted him with your views and feelings. If I were him, I'd want to at least have the opportunity to change by being confronted with how unhappy you feel.
Hi! everyone. I am looking for ways to communicate with my boyfriend of about 4 years, it seems like we have lost alot along the way. I have a hard time telling him my true feelings. He is a good man. Just boring, and really not interested in the things I think are important. Not sure if this is going to last. Too bad after all this time.
"..not really interested in the things I think are important" is the big clue here. This sounds like a lust / comfort relationship instead of a love / mature love / want to live forever together relationship.
You need to move on. The 3 year mark is about when the "love chemicals" of new romance fade away. A relationship is built during this time, or not. Sounds like in your case - "or not"
However, you might find counseling useful if you really want to try to work it out.
In the longer term, consider using "I statements" instead of "You statements" in communication with each other ---- for example "It makes me feel loved when you put your laundry in the hamper" rather than "You are a slob, pick up your clothes!"
I am a professional marriage preparation counselor, marriage, and pre-divorce counselor.
