You can continue on as things are. Chances are her daughter will be out of the house in a few years, and that impediment will eventually disappear. Or you can insist on more of relationship now and take your chances. But her lifelong depression concerns me.....

True love is about giving. But that has to start with yourself.

The reality, if you are a nurturer, you will attract damaged people to make you feel like you are helping. It is codependent.

Another even greater possibility is that by being in relationship who is very damaged, you can avoid facing and fixing the problems that exist with you. I'm pretty sure you have enough fixes of your own to deal with to keep you busy the rest of your life.

Once you work on your self-esteem and heal your need to be the savior, then you can have relationships with whole people.

For now I would recommend that you give up on this relationship and focus on developing yourself to a new level. Don't do it in preparation for a new relationship. Do it because it's the right thing to do.

No matter what happens, you are going to spend the rest of your life with you. Maybe it's time that you learn to fix you.

Good luck.

There are multiple elements playing here.

One: You seem not to be accepting that when a person is a parent they are a package deal. Unless they are totally without morals, their kids come first - at least until their kids reach adulthood. Your kids are forever - if you are a responsible parent. Michael had a good point. In a couple of years, her kid will be an adult. I would worry that if you were deep into this woman's life, you and the daughter would fight like the Kilkenny cats and that would be good for no one.

Two: She is depressed. Depressed people often have difficulty focusing on other people's needs. Depression robs a person of strength and emotional balance even if they still know what is right, they often cannot overcome their lack of all the energy it takes to resolve important issues.

Three: Hang out on the psych floor? Are both of you institutionalized? If so, you and she need a relationship like a cat needs a hairball. By the way, it would be very unusual for a schizophrenic to be a nymphomaniac. Her command voices would probably be telling her to kill you, not to screw you.

Four: She has been cool to you for a YEAR and you haven't gotten the message yet? I think you have a lot of issues inside yourself you need to work on before you staker a claim to someone "being the one."

Work on you. Find out why you refuse to deal with reality. Learn how to understand relationshipos and what they are composed of. learn a little about kids and how they reacxt to someone invading their turf ... and what rights they have compared to yours when this happens.

Best of luck.

Why is it so hard to not see the things that need to happen in one's own life? I don't know if anyone will read this as a comment to this line started with HELP. I'm driving myself crazy about this realtionship I'm in, out of, into, out of, into, out of. He's like my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. He comes over as soon as possible if I need him (he's a fantastic handyman and lover). What's the problem? He's a free spirit. His hobby is backpacking. He's gone a lot. Right now he's in Puerto Rico (not back-packing, but it's a holiday and he's getting out of town). Of course, he asked me if I wanted to go (I'd pay my own way) but I just got a new job and there was no way. My feeling was if I can't go then he doesn't go. He tells me all the time what I mean to him but it took him two years to tell me he loves me. Am I insane? Now he wants to know if I'd be willing to go to a relationship counselor to talk about these issues we have. Every time I break it off he talks his way right back into my life (which he did right before he left for Puerto Rico) and I mean thinking about the relationship not acting on it (sex-it's been months). He probably should have been an attorney. I was widowed 7 years ago after a 15 year marriage (I still miss this man). Married two years later, divorced two years after that. Started up with this particular gentleman a few months after the divorce. For 2-1/2 years we've been on and off. I hope someone can give me some suggestions. If not, I think it has helped a little to write it out.