Jealousies or insecurities? They can seem the same sometimes.

I try not to allow jealousies to have an effect on my life. I try to remain aware that everyone gets jealous but you don't have to act upon it. Jealousy is an irrational feeling based on the desire to possess someone or what someone else has. If I were the jealous type, I could be very jealous of my wife's success. I am, instead, her number one cheerleader. When others are attracted to her, I don't get jealous. I'm the one on her permanent dance card. Someone else gets his fifteen minutes in her reflected light.

As the other writer mentioned: "Jealousy may be a result of insecurity." Many people fear that someone will "steal their husband, wife, lover from them." Can't be done. Only you can drive her away with your insecurity or she can choose to leave. Steal a person? Not likely.

I always looked at it this way: If my wife ever left me for another man ... or woman, it would be both their losses. She would lose me and he would get a cheater! It never happened and after forty years, I don't think either of us is going to stray. After all, when you have the best, anything you could find would only be someone else's castoff!

Let it go. Allow reality to be your guide. If you don't see it, forget it. If you see it, question it real hard before you challenge it. If you challenge it, do it with the knowledge that if you lose, what you will lose wasn't worth having.

When you feel jealous you're telling yourself something that upsets you: "My Sweetie finds that person more attractive than me." To overcome jealousy one needs to tell yourself something that is also true, or you know to be true: "My Sweetie is coming home to my bed and my arms." You need to learn how to balance the equation and calm your own worst fears.

I don't know if we can overcome them, but we must remember that they are about us and not about our partner. If your partner is doing something not in line with your agreements, then there is a serious issue in the relationship. If you are feeling jealous "for no reason," then the first step is to remember that this is about your feelings and not his/her behavior. Try talking to your partner, but not in a blaming way. Own your feelings and ask for some help.

Amen.