This is a hard one. Over the last 25 years, you developed communication patterns that are now ingrained and have become a strong habit. Try starting out small and by not putting a lot of charge into the word "talk." During the course of your day, as things happen (big or small), ask yourself if this is something you want to tell him about later. Try noticing how you're feeling as your day or week progresses - again ask if this is something you want to share. What are you reading? What did you see in the paper that you thought was interesting or funny or weird? Start with those things. It doesn't always have to be about the relationship or anything heavy. That will come later and more naturally if you develop the new habit of sharing the smaller things.

You were very brave to leave a 25 year relationship. Take that courage with you into this one.

Start out in the present. Talk about your day. In your mind, relate your day to the past and see if it brings up an interesting anecdote you can tell.

It takes a long time to learn to talk about feelings. Sometimes, the best place for emotions is in "pillow talk."

Stay away from talking about your ex - I'm sure you know this already. You have two lovely kids. There are always stories about them. You work? There may be juicy gossip from that department.

I taught couples who wanted to communicate a game that worked for some of them. I had them put subjects they would like to discuss on 3x5 cards and when they had a pack of enough to make lots of choices, lay them face down and pick three. All the person had to do was talk about one of the three.

Later, they were able to ditch the cards and talk. I'm waiting for one of them to come back to counseling to complain that the other won't stop talking! NOT!

Keep a cheat sheet of topics you're comfortable with - something you saw on TV, your opinions about a political matter, the neighbors. When there's a silence, check your list and make your comment. Ask him his opinions on the same matter. Better yet, ask his FEELINGS on a matter and share yours.

There is an excellent paperback book called The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock that I recommend. It has all sorts of interesting topics. "How much money would it take for you to eat a bug" is one great example. Use it as a game between you. If there's uncomfortable silence, one calls out a number and the other refers to the corresponding question in the book. I use this on long car trips.

Yes, my husband and I used to do the same thing on long car trips. There are several versions of "The Book of Questions" now, too.

I agree with Talia, Isadora, and MiltT. Speaking up is often work...but it can also be play. I suggest you buy a copy of a very cool couple communication game called To Know You Better. It asks open-ended questions that encourage both people in a couple to speak up and say what they feel about a great number of issues from silly to serious. Speaking up is a habit, just like shutting up. To Know You Better is a fun way to get practice speaking up. I also bet you learn some things about your new guy. The game is available from timefortwo.com

My situation is a little different but I understand how difficult it can be. I was married for 25 years and he died a little over 2 years ago. I met my boyfriend last May and he had been in a 20 year marriage (he's divorced). It took me a while to open up but that had alot to do with him and how comfortable he made me feel (and the fact he makes me laugh :). We both came from "difficult" marriages but worked at open communication with no judgements. I feel that each relationship has it's own type of communication and it takes time to reach that comfort zone. the best advice is what I was given-always be yourself. You are a strong woman and deserve all good things. Best of luck.

Congratulations to you for getting out of that controlling relationship! That took so much courage and strength on your part. It sounds like you put a lot of energy into paying the bills, trying to stay in the marriage for your kids' sake and I imagine in raising your children, too. Now is the time to put the energy on YOU.

It's no wonder you find it difficult to open up about yourself: you've had 25 years of being in an unhappy, unbalanced, and controlling relationship. Although the new freedom you must likely feel is liberating, it can be scary at the same time, as you are having to use skills you "weren't allowed" to use or "you chose not to" for fear of the consequences.

So now is the time to learn about yourself. Do you know what you think and feel about things? If not, then you should find ways to get in touch with yourself. Spend quiet time with yourself everyday, journal, pray, meditate, or find a trusted person to relate to. A therapist can help as well.

It sounds like your new man is open to communication, so I suggest that you find the courage to express how difficult it is for you to open up. You could start by writing your thoughts down on paper, or practicing what you want to say out loud to yourself. If he is the good man that you believe him to be, he will stay with you on this journey of self-discovery and growth. You'll grow together by having the "hard" conversations and you'll find that it will get easier, as you develop more trust in each other.

I'm not suggesting that your conversations have to always be 'heavy' as this is very difficult for most people. But I do think it's important to tell him how hard it is, so he can understand where you're coming from. Otherwise, he may develop other conclusions about your lack of communication. So have fun, too and look for opportunities to laugh together. Rent funny movies, go dancing, or play one of those games that are mentioned here.

Those are my thoughts which I hope you find useful.