You have been so kind to so many here. My heart goes out to you.

I have no answers or suggestions. Sounds like you have done everything in your power and you are at a decision point here. When you come to the fork in the road, take it. Whatever the choice is, know that you will get support here, even if we can only listen from afar.

The toughest tests are always saved for the best students. Godspeed friend.

I feel for you. If your husband won't join you in counseling, I suggest you go by yourself. This is suboptimal, of course, but it might improve your coping skills. And discussing why you're going might persuade your husband that something really is awry. I'd also look into blended family support groups or a social worker to help with things at home. Good luck!

You say ,"I suggested/begged for counseling....he isn't unwilling but doesn't seem to care either. " For many posters on tbd, that would be a step up as their partners are refusing to go. Good counseling can be invaluable in situations like this. If he is willing to go - however non-caring he is - take him. Make an appointment today and get there with him. Hopefully a good counselor can get him enthusiastic about the process, but that's step 2. Step 1 is to get there and for you both to answer the intake questions the counselor will ask - then trust the process.

Good luck!

I agree with TaliaHoffman - anything short of an absolute refusal on counseling should be taken as a good sign and you should schedule the appointment.

I see a lot of hope within the context of your posting. Your marriage is at a stage where it is not unusual for work to become God, for a fifteen year old "his" child to compete for primacy in the den ... and maybe win most of the time!

Stop living in the world of the fairy tale you created and look at reality. Life is not all sugar plum fairies.

Yes, there are issues that need work but one of them is that sometimes when you can't raise the water, you have to lower the bridge.

Before you see the dark before the dawn, look at the light. You two have five children and I didn't once hear you mention rehabs, pregnancies, court dates or tattoos in unmentionable places.

Your husband is out all hours and I didn't once hear you mention "G--DamnFloozyBitch he is seeing behind my back!" I also didn't hear you mention a tennis pro you are seeing while he is out all hours of the day and you are home.

Most of your problems are in degree, not in kind. He isn't as attentive. He hasn't seen you naked. Hell, you can fix that. Next time the two of you are having a meal with no kids in the house, wear and apron and nothing else! You don't need a shower to get naked, dear.

Much of what you are dealing with here can be dealt with directly and indirectly. You are the one who allows a fifteen year old to steal your position. She can't take it without your help. Next time, thank her for her help in front of her dad. There is no putdown better for a kid who wants to shine in daddy's eyes than to be thanked for help by mommy! Then, she will know that she serves at your pleasure. You never will need to confront her if you outsmart her, outflank her and outf--k her! There are some roles she can't begin to steal.

Life isn't about fulfilling dreams. It is about working within the context of the reality of kids, jobs, aging, parents, bosses, employees, flagging energy and all the other external and internal forces that conspire to bring us down. I would bet that there are many women in this place who would take your husband as is without a single complaint.

When the car is good and needs only a paint job, you don't let it get you down. You get a brush ... or an appointment with Earl Scheib who will paint any car for $29.95 ... in 1967.

Get your spirits up. None of your problems are earth shattering. They are just dream shattering. And you know what they say about dreams? Dream in one hand and piss in the other and watch which one fills up first.

God bless and good luck. A little of both go a long way toward fixing whatever ails us.

It's a shame that he won't go for counseling. My ex went to one session with me. He refused to go back. He felt if we continued we would fight & hate each other. I went by myself. Best thing I ever did.

About a year ago he told me over the phone that his biggest regret was not going to counseling with me. He felt that things might have turned out different if he did.

But he didn't.

Hi Goddess! Upon reading your post, I was wondering........perhaps he doesnt communicate with you openly because he doesnt feel like you will really listen to him. I say this because Ive been in a situation with someone else where I would reply the way he does, "later", and then never bring the subject up again. The reason why I acted like this is because no matter what I said the person would.... 1. interrupt me and start talking about hs own feelings 2. couldnt really hear what I was saying and then distorted what I had to say 3. I just stopped communicating with him. Good Luck! I agree with the others, dont give up!