If she says it is only friends, why is it that you don't/can't believe her? Before you lose your mind, why not bring it up in the couples counseling session? It may be that things at home were not so great and she needed a friend. If this was a woman-friend who she spoke to regularaly would you be so concerned? I don't know if you're overreacting or not, but it sure is bothering you. Don't let it fester, talk about it, but don't be afraid to believe her that it's nothing.

If you are still in counseling that's the place to bring this up. If you are not still going to a counselor consider going on your own to discuss this. If you feel there is a distance between you there are tools available to bring you closer IF, big IF, your wife is interested in doing so too.

Maybe you are suffering from depression or midlife transition issues. I think you need to seek help for yourself before you blame your wife for your feelings.

IMO your wife was not hiding anything from you if she was using her cell phone to talk to someone from work.

I agree with Talia, Isadora, and Dewi. Simply talking with a coworker, even daily, does not mean she's having an affair. Affairs usually involve "working late," or "business trips," or hotel rooms showing on the credit card bill. I was business partners with a woman, a very attractive woman, for 10 years. We spoke on the phone several times a day. We never went beyond business and the friendship that developed as a result of close contact. Thank God, my wife trusted me and never felt threatened. The question is not: What's up with her? The question is: What's up with YOU?

Just curious why she never told me for 6 months? Dont you think thats suspecious in itself. I dont expect to know everything but that must have taken some real effort. I feel thats deception.

Does she tell you every time she speaks to her women friends? If yes, then this is suspicious. If no, then this could be that he is just a friend. If you look for things to be suspicious about, I'm sure you can find them,but I do wonder why you are looking so hard.

You have reason to be upset but not reason to suspect an affair. If this relationship was completely on the up-and-up, she wouldn't be using a cell phone but rather the house phone to receive calls and make them.

I have female friends. They know my wife and if she answers the phone they are as likely to chat with her as with me. It is not that your wife and the man may be sleeping together that is the issue - it is the secrecy.

You had to find out about your wife's friend by spying on her phone records - which is not really Kosher either, by the way.

She and you are distancing. She had a secret life. Your distrust led you to spy on her. This is not a happy situation. The two of you need to have one of those "contract violation" discussions to get yourselves back on course.

Marriage isn't like other relationships. There is an open book aspect that does not exist in any other kind of personal or business relationship. Marriages can exist only in the light of day. You can have a secret inner life. I have a grand one. In my inner life, there are events and people that don't exist in the real world and that is my business. But, in a marriage, my wife may not know what restaurant I eat lunch at but she does know if I treat someone else because what I spend is as much her business as mine. We both earn it.

Before you decide on counseling, you need a level playing field. Sit down with your wife and talk about the fact that if the relationship was completely innocent, she wouldn't try to hide it and apologize for spying on her. That was equally wrong.

If after that, she still wants duplicity, perhaps what she doesn't want is her marriage. You need to open all the issues rather than asking a bunch of well meaning people who care but don't count in your marriage what to do.

I hope what you read here from people who do care helps point you in the right direction but it is up to you to do the hard work that must be undertaken ... regardless of the outcome.

God bless.