I wouldn't push if I were you. He knows his children and his ex and if he's cautious he probably has good reason to be. See if you can negotiate something so that you don't feel so entirely forgotten on those weekends - a call Sunday evening when he's alone again, or a quick email, or whatever. It's not so terrible to not connect for 48 hours every so often. See your other friends or pluck your eyebrows or read a good book. The family integration will come in due time.

It is unfortunate that he can't get closure on his deal with his ex, because that will continue to overhang your relationship. However, I am empathetic with his baby steps with his kids. When I wrestled with this issue as I began dating after my separation/divorce, I talked with a dear friend whose parents divorced when he was a kid. He said "I wish they had waited way longer so I wouldn't have had to meet so many of their boyfriends/girlfriends." I at first wasn't going to mention anyone until we'd been dating 3 months. I then realized that wasn't long enough for me to decide if the guy was a multi-year keeper (which would make it okay for him to meet my young kids). So I decided 6 months was a better rule. I'm not saying that is the right length of time for your BF, but it was for me and my kids. I would defer to his judgment as the right timing for his family.

I sympathize with you but I think you should try to give it a bit more time, because even though youve known him for two years, you havent been dating that long. Who knows what kind of situation he has with his ex wife and the dynamics between them and the kids. I know its hard but I think you should try to stay strong, and think of the best for the kids. After all if your relationship works out long term you will be a step mom. Try to be as understanding with him as possible, and he may start opening up to you about the dynamics he's experiencing with being a divorced dad. I think you should be careful for awhile and try to extend compassion to the kids until you find out more about the dynamics involved. It sounds like he may be trying to protect the kids.

Unfortunately, he can't forget what his ex eight say. Certainly during separation without an official and final divorce settlement what his ex says still carries lots of legal weight. You've not been together all that long and he is hinks be comfortable with this and go with that.

Just as an aside, I am always suspicious of the ones who haven't gotten around to completing the divorce. I'm sure there are a million good reasons for this, so it's not a reg flag, but certainly a yellow one for me. Until they're really divorced, they are still very tied to their spouse and even though everyone "knows" they won't get back together, I can't help but wonder why they hold on. Divorce can be expensive, but it can frequently be done simply and not so expensive.

If he was my guy I'd worry more about why the divorce proceedings have stalled than about meeting his young children.

Thank you Talia for your reply to my post. I do have a flag up because of the separation but no divorce. They do have a monetary settlement of sorts...child support supposedly done by the courts, but no divorce OR custody arrangements bestowed by the court system. I know he is afraid of "rocking the boat" with the ex as he fears she will not let him see the kids. So unfounded on my part and also as spoke by his friends whom I have gotten to know. His reasons for not going through with the divorce as mostly financial. My divorce devastated me financially but part of that was my fault in not taking him for much, I just valued my sanity and wanted away from an unstable man, that I didn't go for much, instead I assumed some bills and a mountain of legal fees...but I felt safe and sane so that mattered to me. I talked with my BF about this and said there are ways of not spending a ton of $$ on legal fees, especially since he says he isn't after alot either. I couldn't see being separated for two years without going thru a div, but then again, people's thoughts are different. he says he wants to be divorced but the cost stops him.

Thanks Neeraja, this is what my BF tells me, pretty much your words..be strong and be patient. So I will try my best to do so, it's hard though especially when friends can see that I don't see or hear from him much at all during kids weekends, and they suspect that he is hiding something. I am trying to be understanding, but on the flip side, I get the unworthy feelings. I am not wanting to take any time from his kids, just merely his comfort level to be increased to not keep me in the dark shadows, but shed some light on us. His son is a teenager and sometimes I feel he may not be setting a good example, to not be truthful. I feel he really protects that the kids don't know about me...yet...as he says..and that still hurts. I am not certain what he is protecing the kids from though. When married, I had a stepdaughter, who was 5 years old when I met her. I always treated her the same as my natural children, but never trid to be her mom...there is a difference and I respected that. I am a little seasoned in this regard since my stepdaughter was around me for almost 20 years, until the divorce. I do plan on being careful and understanding, as I have grown to really enjoy this man's company and don't want to toss away a very decent relationship. I just feel he needs to open up a bit more.

Hi Robin,

I do understand the dating dilemma you faced as well. Just recently, my daughter told me that she nevr liked when I sprung a guy on her....and when she was going to meet this new man in my life during the holidays, she asked me to tell her more about him and when he would be here for her to meet. I did that, and this man made a great impression on her.....I feel the meeting went very well, she even asked when he would be around again. We are almost to the 6 month mark and I am not setting a time limit, but hope he can come to terms with this situation before the summer, as he gets his kids for weeks on end and I cringe at the thought of hearing from him only occasionally then. I would be afraid the relationship wouldn't last if he waits that long and doesn't follow through with bringing me into conversation, at least...