Maybe he is just not "new" anymore. When a person is finished impressing you and feels safe, then you begin to see the real person and maybe will have some understanding why he is divorced. Maybe his inattentiveness is better off seen now than later after you say "I do."

Maybe there is no need to be in touch every day during the dating stage and you are asking for more than he is comfortable giving. I am now playing devil's advocate to see if there is validity in his actions. i do not know but it is worth getting some other opinions on this.

I wouldn't put too much else into it. Maybe there should be a law that states that you should have to talk to the ex before you are allowed to sign a marriage contract. Even if she is only half-honest, you would know more about him than you know now.

Did you make your feelings about his recent inconsistencies known to him? Telling us may relieve your tension but it won't solve the problem.

As for him playing cards on line, you play TBD on line. Is there a difference? He is single and allowed to have interests other than the LOHL (love of his life).

Communication is the tool to resolve most of your questions but be willing to hear his viewpoint, not just your own.

Thanks for responding Milt!

I'm actually fine not communicating daily - that is not the issue. He is the one that started the habit of calling me daily. I just don't like it when he say he'll call and does not, when he hides that he is online, and when I cannot get ahold of him when needed (ie.broken water heater issue).

I have casually brought up the issue of his inconsistancys only and he never provides a response. I have said to him in the past that I tried to reach him a few times and his phone was busy - this is really about all I said.

I really don't care if he plays cards online and chats with that man. However, he said that day he would call and did not call until late after I went to sleep - that is what bothers me. I did not ask him anything about whether he was online or not - he just brought up what he did that day in normal conversation.

It is possible the relationship is just not new anymore and maybe he feels safe.

It's possible he doesn't feel the need to court you or be on his best behavior any longer. It's possible he's losing interest. It's possible he's got three other lovers and a kangaroo on the side.

Obviously his behavior is troubling to you so it's him with whom it needs to be discussed, not guesses from strangers, or even friends. Next time you're together ask him for the changes you want in the most tactful way possible, not a list of complaints. e.g. "I really enjoy your phone calls but please don't call after 9 PM, Sweetie. I'm just not clear headed at that hour."

Thanks, I'll talk to him about it.

I'm just scared that he will not tell me the truth if he is truley losing interest or has other interests. Maybe he does not even realize what he is doing. I'm just looking for signs since I don't want to be hurt anymore.

Everything Isadora said is wise advice. Listen to her!

i'll add my my 2cents anyway, you mention the change happened around the time he mentioned "Online Blackjack"

His behavior seems to have changed suddenly and drastically from how he was acting towards you a short while ago.

That is a RED FLAG

Talk to him!

I would suggest that you be clear about what you want from him and then ask for it and then see how he responds. You say that nightly contact is not the issue but rather you're looking for some consistency. Tell him that. Remind him that you get really tired at the end of the day, so talking before 10 (or whatever hour works for you) is best. Some people say "see you later" or "call you tomorrow" as a way of saying good night. He needs to understand that you take that literally and if he is not going to call tomorrow, that's OK, but he shouldn't set that expectation.

You worry that he won't tell you the truth. You'll never know unless you tell him how you feel and wait for a response. If he is losing interest there's nothing you can do, so you might as well ask for what you want and see if he comes through.

I'm a little surprised that in your mid-40s, after marriage and divorce, you're taken aback by the natural trajectory of relationships. The hot-and-heavy period lasts from 6 months to a year or so. You're 10 months in, and that stage is drawing to a close. From now on you won't be utterly consumed with one another, but you can still enjoy a marvelous relationship. You just need to work out some ground rules about this new stage of things--who calls whom and how often. You've both been married and divorced. You guys can work this out.