Posted: Mar 3, 08 8:37am

I am a married man of 23 years. My relationship with my wife has always been somewhat difficult. She is someone who is constantly looking for something new that is going to make her happy. I have always been the provider, in 23 years she has never held a steady job that provided any income. I say this only because most of the time that did not bother me. She has had substantial health problems for 19 of those 23 years and I just figured that it was my duty and responsibility to do the best I could to provide for both of us. Lately because of our only son being in college and moeny being tighter. I have become more worried about money and somewhat resentful of what I need to do to keep everybody supplied with what they want or need. This has been going on since last year and came to a head about a week ago when she left the house and spent some time at her sisters house. She told me that I need to seek help because of my anger towards her, which I express only in being quiet or non communicative with her of sometimes making snide remarks. I have tried to talk to her about my feelings, because along with working my ass off for 70 hours a week she expresses no sexual interest in our relationship anymore nor does she show me much affection outside of sex. She has complained that we are going in 2 sperate directions in our life, yet she still expects from me to make an effort to share her interests and be conversational. Even though the needs that I express to her that I need met are completely ignored by her. She continues to not work, she continues to spend money, she tells me that I should find a new job because the one I have is too stressful and if I changed jobs we could move somewhere she wants to go. Even though there is particular place she wants to go, She just is unhappy here. I told her this weekend that I was sorry she had not married someone who was better able to provide for her financially as well as emotionally. She told me not to say that. But I do not know how to feel any other way. I have decided to see a counselor on my own for myself even though I can afford it. I have asked her to see someone together with me. Which she replies to by saying that no because I will simply manipulate the counselor into believing I am a great guy and she has the problems. Even though her own sister has told me and her that she does have a problem and she needs to find happiness and a purpose for her own life. To which she responds that she can not understand why her sister has to be so judgmental. I am 51 years old, tired, and becoming very weary of trying to please her. I only want there to be shared happiness and love between the 2 of us and will admit openly that I have my own problems that stand in the way of that. The thing that bothers me is I am beginning to feel so lonely that I am actively thinking about pursuing some sort of an affair. I find that though process to be abhorrent in myself as I have been faithful thruout our marriage and dont want to lose her. I do love her and I do feel responsible for her, I am just unhappy and getting more depressed by the day. I want so badly for somebody to tell me how to communicate with her in a loving non threatening way to get across to her that she is destroying us, and me, and as I have found out just lately her relationship with our son. If anybody has any ideas please respond.

Thank you