To me the basic crayon box of emotions is mad, sad, glad, scared, and sexy - anger, sorrow, happiness, fear and lust. Some people have only those basic "colors", no shadings, and default to their favorites when in the grip of any strong emotion. e.g. "If it's considered unmanly to feel fear or sorrow I'm going to just get mad."

I agree that fear and love are very, very basic emotions that are at our cores and that abandonment and rejections spring immediately from fear. In some ways, the three are a triad and wrapped up often together into an insidious "monster" that is hard to tackle alone. These fears bring on and fester lonliness, depression, anxiety and other negative feelings. If there is a good Love base, including good family and friend support and where basic needs are being taken care of, that is an important base. I am a huge advocate of talk therapy and believe it imperative that a client and a therapist be matched up well so that therapy can be really beneficial. Medication is sometimes indicated and if the symptoms warrant it, I think it is good to try it along with close therapy intervention.

Fear can also, for some people, be a catalyst to act in a number of ways both positive and negative. Those who can get control over their fear and confront it in terms of whether it is rational or irrational is a key and helps a mental health professional help the client in terms of diagnosis and treatment. Being able to use one's anger productively, and non-violently, takes inner strength and strong focus as well. More often we see fear along with rejection and abandonment issues, (usually from some time in the childhood years or from later trauma), with the resultant mental health issues of depression and anxiety (of varying degrees and types). Treating both can be tricky as not all people respond to these medications the same and some cannot tolerate physically some of these medications especially SSRIs of which there are many today.

Abuse. What is it? How do we know when terseness, lets say, crosses a line for someone who perceives it not as "terseness" but abuse? Is there a test for this? NO It is very, very subjective and treating professionals basically have only self-history, sometimes family history, symptoms and how the offending outside problem affects a client's life and how severe does it become for the client to function in their lives in different areas and on different levels.

So if I say that I feel that I am feeling verbally abused, and it becomes clear that indeed I am "clinically depressed from abuse", that takes on other issues and other possibilities. I have had depression for most of my life and like most people, it fluctuates throughout a life time often correlating with life events. Sometimes, however, it is very much a neurochemical event more so than an emotional one and it can be hard to discern without help. Because I have life long issues of mental illness in my family, I've always been around it for the most part, and that includes my ex-husband as well who suffered from un-treated clinical depression. Verbal abuse is often worse for most people in that the "bruises" don't heal in 3 weeks and the hurt and pain can actually last a life time at the extreme. Resolving this hurt is something that I've personally never seen significantly improved without mental health intervention.

To me, for me, everyone at some time in their lives should be in talk therapy whether it be short-term or long-term, once a week or several times a week. With the right therapist, (and I've been really fortunate), improvements can be made if you're really open to making changes and looking at the ugliness that lies beneath. It's hard work. It is not fun. It often helps relieve negative feelings and can feel like a burden is being lifted. For me, it also helps me to focus and not feel scattered or wonder how rational am I actually being. I need feedback and constructive criticism as well as validation from someone I've come to trust. It helps me to construct a path, a plan and to develop structure in my life which fails often enough to need a good deal of support at times.

For me, dealing with the most serious issues seemed to be out of sight at times and felt out of my control. Intellectually though, I knew that I had no control except over myself and how I chose to deal and perceive things around me and whether or not to confront my fears or to continue to box them up. Life conditions forced me to finally open those boxes and at times it was too much for me and I'd need to regroup. I had people in my life who helped me do that and were there to give me the feedback and validation along the way. Crisis is the optimal time for change and that is what has been happening to me and incrementally I have been dealing with the issues of depression and understand my present situation with it. My relationship, most primarily now with depression, is wrapped up with my physical pain which is chronic and often severe. Knowing this, reminding myself of this is imperative for me because I can, when in pain for an extended period of time, slip badly and feel that big black hole of depression begging me toward it. And it is really frightening. I've had to learn to reach out for help which is often just talking and being with someone and it's often one of my children now. They've come to understand a lot of this and are less afraid and therefore less likely

to not really listen or to minimize the issues.

The stronger I feel emotionally, the less fear I feel. It trickles down. What am I really and honestly afraid of? The truth is that there are very few things that I could really put into that severe a category. Certainly the health and well being of my children. There are more things, of lesser severity, that get me down especially when in prolonged periods of pain. Small things begin to loom threateningly and I react at times badly. I've learned what distractions work best for me and I make myself follow through with those things. When I started doing this, I kept lists all over my apt. with options of things to do in such cases. I kept lists of positive things and goals and things that I just wanted to have the chance to do one day. I wrote my own quasi-affirmations that helps a lot and I put them in places where I read them every day.

I know from my life experience that when fear becomes insidious and monstrous and within my sight, an entity in kind, I am in some real trouble and need some serious help. I cannot do it alone for myself if I am in such a hole. It takes time and it takes asking for help and accepting it, which is often quite hard for me and for others in this situation.

And while every day is not a frickin Holiday, my days overall are better. Getting through the fight, climbing out of the black hole finally has been invaluable. Keeping away from negative things (even stuff on TV, esp. the news), helps greatly. I'm learning how to balance my emotions better and better and I am able to rely less on others for feedback and validation, which does not mean that I don't need it at times! Everyone does. It is a natural thing for humans.

Is it possible to over come fears? Yes, of course it is, but with help and support and the willingness to make changes deep down.

Is the way, the path the same for everyone? No, we are each individuals but many of the same tactics and exercises and therapies can be used in different ways to help many, many people.

Fears, depression and anxiety and all of the off-shoots from there, can be changed and improved. One's quality of life can certainly improve and people can, quite amazingly, find peace and happiness at the end of this "road". Detours come up and trains go off the tracks sometimes but if you've got your support system in place, you will have a people to reach out to. It is possible to deal with depression and anxiety for the great majority of people, so don't give up, any of you reading this. Take the first steps of realizing how serious your issues are and get a referral to see a therapist. Start there. It'll feel great that you're doing something positive for yourself and that you're going to have people reach out to you and they will be there to hold your hand, for real and even virtually.

I agree with Isadora. To draw all human emotion down to "love and fear" is a bit simplistic. For example, I rarely feel fear but am angered far too often. My anger derives from neither fear or love, but rather from impatience with those who do not, or can not understand. It is something I work on constantly and find love the best antedote.

i am curious-- what is it about their inability to understand (for whatever reason) that makes you impatient?

wow, mockingbirdkittyfriend. excellent. thank you.

the crayon box is a very helpful metaphor. thanks, isadora.

Fear and love as our base emotions -- yes. Anger as a secondary emotion -- definitely.

Amazing how we can paralyze ourselves with our fears and our anger. Verbally abused as children, my sister and I dealt with the fear in very different ways. Sister withdrew, living as she puts it, "almost half unconscious/in a kind of a fog." She always had difficulty making friends, was afraid of new situations, had no self-confidence. I, on the other hand, was always angry, very thin-skinned, distrusting of everyone and everything, and quick to bare my teeth. I became a tank who ran down anything before it could come and hurt me. Learning survival skills such as these, especially at an early age, is a habit more than difficult to break.

Today, I still feel a bit of the old fear/pain/anger when I feel someone displays what I think to be narcissistic and/or smug behavior or when I run into someone hell-bent on demeaning me. Smug behavior does not mean I'm stupid, pathetic, or worthless. It either means the person displaying the behavior is the one with the problem or I am reacting to some deep, long-ago fears. I had to come to a point where I recognized my issues for what they really are -- fear of abandonment, fear of being inferior, fear of not being loved, etc. (fear, fear, fear) I don't need to steam-roller anyone because I realize it just doesn't matter, plus usually that type of person runs over him/herself in time. "You don't like me? Oh well. I do most of the time and that's all that's important." Sometimes I'm successful, a few times I'm not. (Damn! I'm not perfect! Oh, but that's a whole other issue...sort of.)

Almost forgot... When I run into constantly angry people, I tend to feel afraid at first, but that emotion mellows out to curiosity. I wonder what happened to the poor soul to make them so angry.