Posted: May 17, 08 8:17pm
As salaamu alaikum (Peace be with you),
Bro Hossain has asked me to share the story of my conversion to Islam. I love talking about Allah (swa) and about al-Islam so I am happy to do this.
Almost all of my life I was on a spiritual quest. I was looking for God. I looked in many places, and followed many paths. Yet I did not find Him. During this same time I was also struggling with personal demons; alcohol and cocaine. I eventually gave up the cocaine, but I could not give up the alcohol. I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I was functioning in society, and now on the Bowery. However, my life began a spiral downwards. I was no longer functioning, I was just drinking.
Finally, by the grace of God, on 3/14/2001, I got sober. I went into a treatment center and then lived for a time in a halfway house. I got a sponsor, and began working on the Steps. Step Three says, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". Well, I still didn't understand Him, so I believed that I had better start looking again, in order to do this Step.
Around that same time, I met a Muslim brother. One of the first things he said to me was, "I'm a Muslim, but not a 9/11 Muslim". I felt bad for him, but I had never equated Islam with terrorism. I just thought that Muslims had their share of crazies just like every other religion. Anyway, he started to talk to me about Islam. I found it interesting, but I had been burned too many times to accept anything at face value. So I went to the Hartford, CT public library, and asked for help in finding books about Islam. The librarian explained to me that they really did not have the type of books I was looking for. She directed me to the Hartford Seminary, which is renowned for its Islamic/Christian Studies programs.I got directions, and I went there every day for about a week. At the end of that time, I was convinced. Finally, I had found a God that I could understand. It was the most awesome experience of my life!
Since Ramadan was beginning, I wanted to observe the fast. I took Shahada (Declaration of faith) on November 18, 2001. I have never looked back, and I have never regretted my choice. It's funny, I came to al-Islam initially to be a suitable wife for the brother. But shortly after I took Shahada, he went away. I stayed. I grew stronger in my faith. I learned about the proper way to dress. When I first converted, I knew that I had to cover my head, but I didn't know about other areas of the body. Eventually I learned that a Muslim woman covers everything except her face, her hands and her feet. Now I literally cannot leave the house unless I am in hijab (covering). And I love the way that I am treated in the outside world. No more wolf whistles, no more inappropriate forms of address. I get the utmost respect. When I am on a job, I am treated kindly. I am always the only Muslim, so i get a lot of questions, and I am pleased to answer them. If I don't know something, i will do research and bring the answer back to them.
Muslim sisters are more visible due to their manner of dress. The brothers in my masjid (mosque) wear suits, although they do wear kufis (head covering for men-similar to yarmulke). Yet I enjoy being a walking statement for al-Islam. To me, it is a privilege.
None of my family is Muslim, but they do respect my beliefs. If we have dinner, they make sure that they have an alternative dish for me if they are serving pork. They do not bring alcohol into my home. They sometimes attend functions at the masjid, particularly our monthly health forums.
My late husband was not Muslim, and we had many problems. Not about the religion per se, but about the fact that I resented his behaviors and life style. We were separated for many years, and we reunited based in large part upon the fact that he was in a drug rehab program. That turned out to be a farce. He was using and he began selling as well. We separated again, but then he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I brought him home. He only survived for 2 1/2 weeks, then he was gone. for a while, I felt guilty, because I had asked Allah (swa) to deliver me from the marriage. But my Imam (minister-the word literally means teacher or leader of prayer) told me that Allah has a plan for each of us. We may not know what it is, but He knows and He knows best. He said that my husband had completed his tasks here, and that is why he passed. He also said that Allah still has something for me to do, and that is why I am still here.
I recently met a wonderful Muslim brother, and we are planning to be married. He will be speaking to my Imam (also my wali-like a chaperon) and giving him his references. Al-Islam provides protection for women, and I am very appreciative of that. Allah truly knows best. I am grateful to Him for sending me a devout Muslim man, one who will help me to grow spiritually as well. I am entitled to a dowry, but I think I will pass on that, except for a token piece of jewelry.However, I will have to discuss that with my Imam, as he may not agree, and I will follow his counsel.
This is my story. My life is completely different now, but it is a wonderful life. I have an inner joy that no one can take from me. I have a relationship with Allah, Master of the Universe, and I need no intercessors to speak to Him. I think that is what I found most appealing about Islam initially-the fact that no human needs to intervene for me, nor do I answer to any human being. I answer to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. What a privilege and honor!
I am happy to have shared my story with all of you. Thank you for asking, Bro Hossain.
Peace,
Karimah
