Kristin,

I am so sorry. I wish I could offer more than words of sympathy. I can't say that I know how you are feeling, because I don't. But I do know that you have to deal with this pain in your own way. It could take you months or it could take you years.

I've heard how people always heard people say that time heals all wounds or that the pain will go away as time goes by...but unless they have gone through the same pain as you have...they really don't know what they are taking about. And everyone does deal with this type of pain in their own way...there are no magic words...to make it go away faster or for you to not feel it.

If you ever need to talk about your pain or just how you are feeling on that particular day...please feel free to email me. Again...I am so sorry and hope that one day it will get better for you.

Caroline

Kristin,

Although I have not experienced the death of a mate, I have experienced it through my Father and the loss of my Mother. One thing I realized one day when I heard my Father say {in essence} he was suffering worse than I was. I was a bit put off at first, thinking NO ONE could be hurting worse than I was. Then, when I thought about it, I realized it was ONE thing to lose your Mother, and yes, it hurts but when you lose your spouse, you lose your best friend, partner, support system and life partner.

You won't and shouldn't "Get over it" or "Move on” this quick OR even this YEAR. Allow yourself to grieve and don't do anything too soon. The anger has to get here and you have to allow yourself to FEEL it and get through it. In Seattle you can find grief support groups that are free and LIFE SAVING. I cannot tell you how helpful they are. Just a suggestion. But you do what makes you feel what YOU want to feel. And I will be thinking of you and hold you in my prayers. Good grieving to you. And it wasn't about you, his death, And he is with you now, I promise.

I was in Albertsons today. I said to the cashier, "Im supposed to be learning how to shop for one, Im doing a very good job"... cuz I had a bit of stuff on the counter for just me... ya know? Im learning I have to buy only for ONE. So anyway she asked if I divorced... I told her briefly no, my husband had died suddenly in Feb.. and to my surprise...... she HUGGED me! I havent had human contact except my husbands best friend hugged me two weeks ago cuz I tasked him too. I need to be hugged & held and Im just so DAMN alone & empty. My support system I "assumed" I would have in time of crisis COLLAPSED when this happened...It was Ken & I against the world..So I suppose I have to learn to hug myself too? I just dont understand the human race anymore. I thought I did. This has changed me forever in so many ways. a few are positive, but mostly, not. I just dont know, TBD is nice with nice people and all, you all understand the grief process etc...but theres still that "but" I need more...Im confused.

Dear Kristen, my heart goes out to you and your loss. Nothing will ever take your precious memory of Ken from you, ever, but I assure you, the trauma of the pain will change. I was prompted to write this post after reading, "I have had people say to move on already", and I want to add, thats bull. You take as long as you need too in your grieving process. When I had a death of a very close loved one I mourned for two years before I stated feeling a shift in my grief. It hasnt even been one year yet! In the culture Im part of, one to four years of mourning is natural and people take their own amount of time they need to grieve. No two people are exactly alike. I remember the numbness that I felt during my time of mourning and all I can say is my heart goes out to you. The only healer you have for now is time and good friends. Peace to you.....

Kristin,

You have nothing to be sorry for. Your pain is expected, and you have every right to grieve for as long as it takes. Know that even though you've not met the TBD folks we're all here as your support net.

I can not even imagine losing my wife suddenly. Despite occasionaly spats and tiffs that all couples have I feel closer to her than any other soul on earth. If she were to suddenly not be there I'd be a basket case.

The fact that you're going forward is a testament to your fortitude.

Sending you a well deserved virtual hug. >-O-<

I need hugs so bad it hurts.