My only suggestions for parenting is being consistent and absolutely always follow through with what you say you will do...Thats why it's so important to not come to any discissions when fired up and in a rage..Send them to their rooms till you can once again be the one in control...And never to let anyone thing left go...As in stealing from you or find out stealing from others...Another is if you suspect drug or alcohol use nip it right in the bud....Do not think that you do not want them in trouble with police or you can beat this on your own...Its just not the case..It will only get worse and more destructive..I dont know how old your children are and of course most of what I can comment on is of older teenagers...Cause you see mine was a late bloomer for trouble..He was almost 18 and a B student and an athlete...So you see just because they are young and showing some trouble doesnt mean gets worse and visa versa.

Hi, tbd friend, Doreen, thanks very much for your wisdom. I am going through some old posts, and saw your kind reply. Our children are in their early to mid-twenties. We are a very close, loving family, including my husband and two grown kids. Our son is athletic, a hard worker, and kind. We have an older daughter who is also sweet, caring, and has many wonderful qualities, but has some issues with maturity. We have loved, and do love them both equally, and will always encourage, support, and try to help them whenever we're needed. I read your earlier posting, that tough love didn't work well with your son, who also has had problems. I send you and your son wishes for hope, healing, and better future days. That's true for us, too. Surrounding all, as much as possible, with loving kindness, and staying calm during the storms, is key.

All of you would do some good to read this blog. The one titled "even the title is freaking me out" is hilarious and relevant. Someone in your shoes.

http://middleagedmess.blog.com/

guapodiego- geez, thanks for the laughs, what a wild website posting on freakin' post-children stress disorder! We're actually much calmer, kids are older, and doing a whole lot better, than the person who wrote that, but it was very silly!

First of all, I think you have a grip on the reality - they want to make their own decisions. More than that - they NEED to make their own decisions unless you plan to live until they die!

Adults children are adults who happen to be products of your genes, dreams and upbringing. The also happen to be what almost all young adults are: first in some kind of rebellion against all their parents' teachings (from very mild to overtly hostile). Later, when they have kids, they learn what rebellion is really like! Then they start becoming their parents!

You are left out of the process. Do your parents follow you around and wipe your noses if they are still alive. Never adopt the philosophy that if you have but one life to live, let it be your kids' lives. Get a life for yourself appropriate to your stage of life - empty nesters.

How would you treat a twenty-six year old person who was not your child? Afford your child the same dignity except that there is eternal love attached to it.

I have a thirty-something son. Now I listen more than offer advice. I NEVER tell him he is wrong in his decisions but will offer alternatives for him to think about while he is making his decisions. Whatever choices he makes, he has to live with. If he had married the girl with the dog collar, piercings where I didn't know there were parts and the language of a truck driver he would have had to live with it, no this mom and I. Where I would have drawn the line had he been that kind of foolish is that I wouldn't pay for her f---ups ... or his for that matter.

When I stopped paying the bills is when my role switched from involved in his life to concerned about his life. Concern doesn't give me the privilege of intervening if I don't like it. It gives me the duty to stay connected if he should ever want the advise of a parent. My son has been self-supporting since college graduation when he was 21. He hasn't lived full-time at home since he left to go to college at 17. I spoke to him as recently as yesterday and we can burn up the phone lines for hours. But he is an adult and we are as likely now to be talking about my adventures in renting properties as what is going on in his life. because he is in the entertainment industry, it is far more interesting, but I try never to pry.

He is not my equal when it comes to overall life experience, but he is the expert in his life, marriage and parenting his lovely daughter who is, of course, my darling granddaughter - but only part-time - when she is in her granddaughter mode which is far more pleasant than most 14 year old's child-parent mode can be.

If he wants advice, he knows where his Mom and I are. Otherwise, we made a life for ourselves that always is open to him and his family but is full of our own interests more relevant to a couple of 60+ geezers than 30 something world travelers.

MiltT-thanks very much for your kind thoughts. Happy that you also recognize that your bird,( ie.,son),has flown the proverbial nest, and glad that you have a close, respectful realtionship with him, and your granddaughter!

My husband of 29 years and I have a mid-twenties, dear, wonderful, but dealing-with-personal-issues, mid-twenties daughter, who has her college teaching degree, and is trying to find her niche in a different field. She chose to live in a nearby city, and we also chat on the phone daily. She comes over several times a mo. to share meals,visit, walk our dog, etc.

We also have a great, kind, early-twenties son, who is in higher education, also in our general area of the U.S. He had a fantastic undergrad experience, and excelled academically and athletically, despite battling a second stage, painful illness for over 3 years! He's doing quite well in grad school, learning the healing arts, because he has a strong, compassionate desire to help others. We also talk` frequently, take hikes together, and enjoy his visits. Both of our kids have worked full or part-time during summers and holidays, since they were 16; and have lived independently for over six years. We are very proud, and love, listen, and support them, unconditionally!

great blog and i can, maybe sadly, maybe not, relate really, really well.

will be following that one!