You may not want to be alone in the world, but since you are, you might as well do it well. Change what you have control of so that you are not living in hell. Look at where you live, what you do for money, who you know. Do any of them bring you joy? If not, how can you improve things? Not having a mate does not mean life has to be terrible.

Renae

I honestly dont know how you do it? I am divorced, but I live with my suspend! We have remained friends, and we still love each other! He's not in love with me, and I am not in love with him! I enjoyed the single period after the divorce! I like it the way it is now! We spend more time together than we ever did! When we were separated from each other we were both unhappy! Now it is so good to come home and knowing somebody will be there. Thats it---somebody will be there!

sfco@ptd.net Sharon

Oh that is so true. I've been widowed almost 9 years now. Over the years, I have made some major changes in my life, including a major relocation. Life is not terrible. I'm very content. I just want to fill in that missing piece but I haven't totally figured out what that is. I will, with time.

It's been seven years since my husband passed away. I met someone 14 months later and married him within another 10 months and we divorced 2 years later. I started seeing someone else almost immediately after that divorce and we've had an on again off again (currently off for 2 months now) relationship ever since. I'm just starting to realize that I am okay by myself. I think for the first time ever I'm really getting to know me. What I like, what I don't like. I've decided that I want someone with the same personality as my late husband. He was so easy-going. Certainly he wasn't unique and there's someone out there like him. I'm willing to wait however long it takes. I'm working on developing female friendships and we're having a great time. I just got invited on a cruise, in January, with some new friends. That was a pleasant surprise. I just never know what will happen if I put myself out there.

Changing and taking control of your circumstances may help to some degree, but what is needed is a change in attitude. However, that change is very often something that we have no real control over, and may or may not ever occur.

I have been widowed twice. Once at 27, and again at 41. Both of my wives died due to complications that arose after major surgeries. Neither ever left the hospital alive.

My first wife and I were married 5 days short of 5 1/2 years. She died approximately at noon, March 22nd, 1989 after 7 long days in intensive care. It was in some sense a relief, knowing that she wasn't suffering anymore. It has only been in the last two years that I didn't actively note the approach of that date. She was vibrant and full of life, funny and smart as a whip when it came to understanding people. We both just adored each other. We each was the other's favorite person to be with and never ran out of things to talk about. I would rush home after work in order to be with her. She was my best friend, and taught me more about life than anyone or anything before or since. Losing her, I lost a part of myself which I doubt I will ever get back. And maybe that is just the way it is supposed to be?

My 2nd wife was a successful, delightful and fragile woman. She was also the sexiest, most beautiful and most feminine woman I have ever known, met or even seen. And though she and I had our problems, I believe I was even more in love with her than with my first wife and miss her everyday. Every day I think about holding her and just melting into her, her skin having been the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. I would have literally worshiped her if she would have let me.

For 14 years after my first wife died, I was angry and cursed God, because not only had He taken her from me, but also because just months before she died, we had managed to create the life we truly wanted, and I lost all of that. So it may sound strange when I say that it was losing my 2nd wife that caused me to finally heal. Though healing is a somewhat relative term.

This will very like sound simple and trite, but it changed my entire outlook. My 2nd wife's death forced me to truly realize that everything is temporary, and that nothing lasts forever. Something we all understand intellectually, but something which I had never owned at an emotional level. What it meant for me, was that I needed to concentrate on the truly important things in life. It also helped me stop blaming God, or whatever, for what had happened, and I stopped being angry. I finally understood that her death wasn't something that had been done to me out of malice or indifference. It simply was. Life and existence, depend on change, and death is but one of many things that occur in a constant process of change. I could choose to live my life, or choose to live their deaths. With my new understanding, and the help of a couple good prescription drugs, I learned to choose life, and now I no longer need the meds. Am I completely healthy emotionally? No. I may never be. But I've learned to be content, and am very happy most of the time.

Unfortunately, I don't know of any formula for bringing these changes in attitude about on purpose, other than being ready to accept and apply something that may help when it comes along.

I wish you the best, and hope you can find the life you desire.

That was absolutely beautiful, Randy. Living through widowhood once is hard enough, and you've done it twice. Thank you so much for sharing your loves and your loss with us here. You touched me very deeply.