Oh honey.....my heart hurts for you. Time is the only thing that helps...how much time? The pain never goes completely away but it does eventually recede to a bearable level.

After my daughter died I went through a long period of paralysis...just didn't do much of anything.

Set goals to do one thing to help yourself each day. Just anything, even if it seems a small thing. Just make sure you do ONE everyday.

Call some of your friends. Even if you haven't seen them in awhile I'll bet they're still there for you. Get someone to help you pack away some of the things that remind you of him. Remove those clothes from the closet. Pack them away. Consider donating them to the homeless or some other worthy charity. You don't have to get rid of them right away, but do pack them up. (after my daughters death a friend of mine packed up all her things one day while another friend took me away from the house.)

You don't have to do this all alone. People probably have not forgotten him, but they don't mention him to you because they don't want to hurt you. If you bring him up they may be more inclined to speak of him. Find someone to talk to about how you feel. If you don't know anyone you want to talk to find a counselor. You are probably gonna have to talk about this to sort out your feelings. Write down what you feel. Come on TBD and vent. Don't isolate yourself anymore. And know that I will be thinking of you.

Agape

Today is better, I'm back at work and my crying jag has finally stop. Thank you witchy and others for the possitive comments and words of understanding. Like they say some day are bad and some are better, yesterday was a bear!

Thank you again.

You have a difficult journey head of you for awhile JoJo. But I can assure you that things will get better before you know it.

I have a friend who lost her husband by heart attract two years ago about this time and he was only 43yrs old. At first a couple of months she and her two children moved in with me after death of her husband.

I witnessed her painful process, she was lost, but she had to function regula as her children needed her. Still, it is hard for her at times but she is feeling much better than before husband passed away. The reasons for that uplift is that she learn to manage everything by herself, something that build her self confidence, I also experiencing myself due to divorced with two children.

Thus, embrace everything about this experience but not too long, and you will come out of it a better person than before this experience.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement miokim7. I have learned to manage a lot of things myself...not always fun learning but I am always proud when I accomplish anything.

Of course you hurt. There are no rules for who is allowed to grieve, or how deeply they hurt. I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you were feeling when you wrote that entry.

When does it stop hurting? Never. But there are times when it doesn't hurt so much. You do finally get to a time when you can get up in the morning without thinking of him first thing.

And then there are the times when you're going to feel like you're right back where you started. When you miss him so much that you could literally die. Those times pass, and they get farther apart. They're still real buggers to get through when they come.

One of the things I did after my husband died was to follow through on one of those plans we had made. We had always wanted to go paddling in Baja - so the February after he died (about five months) I went camping and kayaking in Mexico, in one of the springtime nurseries for Pacific gray whales. It was the single best thing I ever did for myself.

This is a tough journey. I go through periods when I think I pretty much have it whipped, and then I have times like the one I'm in now, when I feel like I have no skin and no coping mechanisms.

Thank you for your kind words and your deep knowledge. I appreciate your sharing. I loved your last line that is how I felt when I wrote that. Today is better.

Wow. I so relate to you JoJo. I was 42 when my husband of 15 years died. He was 52. Sudden heart attack. It doesn't matter if you were married or not. You were in love. When you've lived with someone for any amount of time there is a huge change with everything!

A few things that helped me then were, I found a support group for young widows. We have different issues than women in their 60's or so +. My local Hospice had counseling for a very minimal cost (group). And one-on-one counseling was free. I highly recommend it. That's what they're there for.

Cry when you need to cry. Take off work if needed (mental health day). Beat your pillow if you need to expend some anger. Don't let anyone "should" or "Shouldn't" you.

It seemed like every few months that went by I would say to myself, "I think I'm finally coming out of the fog." Then a few more months would go by and I'd say it again. That happened for quite some time.

I wasn't prepared for the actual physical pain I experienced. Just to let you know you may have that also.

On the other side... There were (and still are) times that I feel him so very close to me. He can watch over me like he never could before. It's been over 7 years and I still find myself talking to him. Yesterday I saw this georgous powder blue Thunderbird and said, "You'd love that one!" His favorite car!

Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing. My heart aches for you. We know that pain. We all would love to help you in any way we can.