I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband passed away in January. I agree on the nights and weekends. It is especially hard on weekends when there is nothing to keep you busy. I think it is hard being a single parent the most. Wish I could give you magic words but I think you hit it when you said you're on autopilot just trying to survive.

I lost my wife to breast cancer in Feb. '07. There are times when I still don't know what to do with myself. A song will come on or something will happen that will remind me of her and the tears will start to flow or I really have to struggle to fihgt them back. Unfortunately I don't think it gets any easier, you just find ways to handle it or cope with it better. My heart goes out to you.

Dave, you are right -- it doesn't really go away but you just get used to it or find ways to cope. Single parenting is hard but the kids keep me going - life goes on, school goes on, etc., and the kids have to live their lives. It was really sad to me when my oldest moved into a dorm because his dad would have loved helping him move and checking out the campus.

I heard that!

Dave I know what you are going through. I lost my wife on July 4th. She was handicapped. All her organs shut down and she died of heart failure. Lost is the best way I can describe what I'm going through. Every time I think I'm getting better, something happens and it all comes rushing back. She was my second wife. I thought I found the person I would grow old with. The thing that freaks me out is that my first wife we married on the 4th of July. That ended in divorce. My second wife, we ended in her death on the same day 22 years later.

Hi 40 Love,

I went throught the same thing back in 92. My wive died at age 44 of a stoke, very unexpectedly. The first year is the hardest. Slowly, things get better. I can tell you however, even now, I think of her from time to time, fondly tho, not painfully. We each process our grief in different ways and in different time frames. The important thing tho, is to process it, not keep it in. Bless you.

The pain is unbearable at times. My love left me this past January. I struggle every day. I, too, never thought I'd be in this dreadful place until I was 85! But here I am. My 2 kids are adults and married, so I just move through each day the best I can. I still don't get out of my robe some days. We all seem to be in this nightmare together. I read posts on this site by Sister Genevieve regarding the Centers of Light. It seems like a positive place that I am going to check out. There is a center not too far from me in Atlanta. I just know that I continue to search for meaning to all this, and try to understand and figure out how to occupy the rest of my life. I don't believe the hole in my heart will ever again be filled, though.