The fact that it is a full year is probably *why* you suddenly feel empty. The first time through a year without your loved one is hard, because it's the first time you've been through holidays, anniversaries, and so on without that person. You don't know what it's like, so you don't know what to expect.

Now you do know what it's like, and you do know what to expect, and you don't like knowing what it's like. The fact that it's winter isn't helping any, I'm sure. The absence of light this time of year is depressing to almost all of us, and even more so to people with reason to feel down.

Your reaction seems perfectly natural to me. That doesn't help any, I know, but I don't think you can do anything but what you've been doing. Keep on taking it one step at a time and eventually it won't seem so gray.

I was talking to my aunt about this over the holidays. She lost her husband 7 years ago and she said it's like being on roller coaster for at least the first few years.... it took her about 3 to stop counting each holiday and birthday and anniversary that passed. Even now, I think there are moments that are quite dark, but she says she still talks to him. Others can think it's crazy, but she says it helps her.

Hi Katherine. I am so sorry for your loss. Saw your post earlier and just received this email from a friend. It had me weeping, especially after reading your post.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY

A remarkable phone call from a 12-yr old boy to Houston radio station KSBJ FM 89.3. So profound, the station has it posted on their website. Click above to listen to it. It's short.

KatherineHughs,

Hello, my friend...I send many hugs your way...You who have been there for me this last year whenever I needed you--always checking on me to make sure I was OK....

My sister, who lost her husband two years ago, gave me some good advice...She said that you can't give yourself a time table... I am not sure we ever get completely over this....

I agree with CarolT...that now that you have made it a year and you know what it is like, you would like it to STOP and you would like it to BE BETTER NOW!!!

I am here for you!!! and, if it is just an "absence of light thing"..it is a little chilly down here right now in Florida, but we have sunny skies!

I am so sorry you feel bad. You gave me something to hold on to when I needed it. I feel so much better than I did a month ago. I was so terribly depressed about losing Jim that I didnt feel like living. I found out through a close relation that my daughter was aware of this and was quite concerned. I didnt want that to be so I told her that I would give myself 10 years. I will be 70 then and that is a good life. I promised her that unless natural causes takes me first I will be here for my 70th birthday. Sounds a little insane to me now, but I feel like a great weight has been lifted and I am no longer depressed and crying everyday. I guess it was just having a plan and a future thought that helped. Dont know for sure but I feel happy and can be by myself in the evenings without gloom. Please find a spot in the future on which to fix your sights and maybe it could help a little.

Hi Kathyrn, I lost my hsubad almost 3 years ago after 34 years of marriage. Luckily, i was pretty independent and had women friends of my own, which helped alot. However, even now the littlest things can make me feel like crying. I don't often do it but I just get sad for a little bit. I think i spent the first year after he died funning from my grief. Staying busy, going out with friends, helping my grown up kids deal with their loss and not really doing as much thoughtful grieving as I might have. I'm finally at a place where I don't mind being home and spending time alone, though I certainly still go out. What I've found is that my friends that have been alone for a long time aren't in the same place I'm in so I don't want to spend as much time with them and as for going out with couples, forget it. The winter is always a difficult time but get out, go to the gym, your favorite bar, church, whatever. Jsut keep doing and God Bless.