Dear Ildi:

It is so hard when you are betrayed. I just had my fiance dump me after 5 years. I felt as you did that he was devoted to me. He was in another relationship in a month! I am still reeling. but I am using this time to learn more about how to tell the good guys from the bad. I thought I had a good one but I'm learning now that there are warning signs. Remember that you do deserve love and he is the bad guy--it is not your fault.

Thank you so much for your encouragement. When i was standing in front of the judge this past monday, and watched the judge put his stamp on the divorce paper, just only 10 minutes into trial, it hit me that it is not a nightmare, it is really over. I don't think i will ever be able to trust anymore, or even tell the good guy from the bed. But i will be fine, i have a lot of wonderful friends that support me, and now i have TBD. This website is so awesome and thanks to people like you, we can all support each other and learn from each others mistake.

So how long ango did this happen to you?

There should be a special place in hell for people who treat others in such ways. They either have no idea or don't care about the kind of pain and damage they inflict. Clearly, this man has some huge problems, didn't love you, or some combination of both. To have an affair is wrong no matter the situation. To begin one so soon after getting married is simply beyond any comprehension.

I agree Randy, but deep down I couldn't wish anything bad on him, no matter how much he hurt me. Yes he ripped my heart out and turned me into a "man hater", but i still care for him. He told me the day after all this happened, that him and this woman been friends for 2 years now. What i don't get is, i'm so good in sensing things and reading people's thoughts, and i had not the slightest clue that all this was happening behind my back. You know you see things like this on soap opera, when someone leads a double life, but i've never actually met anyone in real life. Well, they DO exist! Anyhow, thank you so so very much for your note, i really appreciate it. Every little positive note makes me feel a little bit stronger and gives me a little bit of an encouragement. God bless you.

what the heck! There must be an epidemic of this behavior. My husband of 13+ years confessed (after confrontation) that he had an affair with a female younger than his children AND was stupid enough to father a child with her. I had always been suspicious, but finally recieved validation that it had really happened. Honestly, through the divorce etc I have found myself to be stronger, more mature, and almost pity the poor guy for his lack of good judgement (and his loss of me, the breadwinner). I have emerged from this the better person by far. My life is soo together at this point, just sorting out the details. I am embracing my self now, something I haven't done in a very long time...

Don't feel bad. I too feel like I'm good at picking up on what's going on in other peoples minds, but after a 7 year relationship my boyfriend finally gives me a beautiful, expensive engagement ring. This was 4 months ago, then 2 weeks ago he tells me he "doesn't know what he wants" I've always had that little nagging feeling that something wasn't right. In my heart I know he's been leading a double life but he would never let me get close enough to catch him. He was so good at it. He went to couples counseling with me because I was feeling so insecure and I knew in my heart there was another woman. After our session (which was with a female counselor) he laughed and said "see how fast I got her on my side". Ildi, I just think there are people out there that have no real feelings for others and that lies they tell leave them feeling no remorse whatsoever. Right now I feel like my world has ended, but I know things will be better for both of us.