I also reflect after more than 10 years on how the divorce crept into the marriage. My mind likes to figure it out. Or it wants to figure it out!

But, believe me, we all heal. We find comfort in ourselves and our experiences. Time itself helps. You keep living and learning each day. The more days you live away from the "divorce experience," the more we all see who we have become and how wonderful we are. Without the marriage. Without a spouse in the house. The things I learned from being married and the things I learned as a new single person are all of me.

It took me some time to get to a comfortable place.

But then I did. Like a miracle.

Don't beat yourself up looking for answers as to why - there may not be any. I have rehashed everything in my 16 years of marriage and the only answer I can come up with is we drifted apart - and he didn't want to put the effort in to trying again.

What I have learned ( after 8 years of being single) is that sometimes there is no closure as to why. You just chalk it up to the unknown and move on.

You are the sum of all of your experiences, good and bad - learn those life lessons and vow to be the person you wish you had been the first time around on the second time around!

I am having fun being single and wish I had a partner - but have learned that I can take care of ME - and that my next husband will be a partner - not the king.

Susan A you are so right on.

I've been single and sometimes have a friends with benefits. But definitely what an equal partner. If I find one very cool but if not I 'm not stressing.

I've been married for 13 years and within the past two, my husband has become REAL different than what I married. Drinking, partying, new clothes, new hobbies, new friends. A female friend that he swears they are just friends, but actions and what others tell me say different. He won't change he behaviors to save our marriage and states he isn't trying either. He doesn't want a divorce, but anytime I try to talk to him he hears something completely different and yells at me and the kids, he's even become somewhat violent and hot tempered. He is NOT who I married. I left him 3 weeks ago, he still hasn't expressed any interest in changing anything,nor has he reached out to me. I've tried to reach out to him, but I get nothing as an inkling of hope. He's into himself and having a good time and doesn't care who he hurts on the way. It hurts so bad, the realization that he's turned this way, against everything that we held dear together. I feel like I'm dying. I really do! I know I can't go back, it's hard telling what might happen. I'm in it for the long haul. I've been setting at home waiting for him to come calling and want to work things out. I found out he's been out partying like he didn't even miss me. I had him served with divorce papers. I guess I need to start going out. I just don't feel right about it though. I guess I need to get over it though.

"have learned that my next husband will be a partner - not the king." A year ago, I left a verbally abusive and controlling husband after 10 years of misery. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for my self-esteem. For months I beat myself up for marrying him and for waiting so long to get out, until I realized that I am from the generation who tried to work things out. Now I am blooming; my circle of friends has expanded exponentially; I sleep better; my bank account looks a lot better -- but I am still afraid to date, afraid of making another mistake. I like the idea of an FWB.

Ever since i was a small child I have known this woman (in her 80's now),she has been a friend of our family forever. She always went out with the same guy--for 30 years,until he passed away. After a couple of years sha began dating this other man--for 25 years,he passed away 2 years ago.

They never lived together,but away from their work they were always together.Went to all family,business and social functions together. Took vacations together.

After I became an adult I asked her why she had never married either of them. She said if she was in the frame of mind to marry they weren't and vice versa.She said they had from time to time dated others but found they liked each others company best.

That is what I would like to have . A committed relationship but still keep my own place to do to suit myself when the days fun is done

Amen, Birdie.