Posted: Jun 12, 08 3:20pm

So, what? You thought I was just gonna open the door next Friday, kiss-kiss you on both cheeks (not THOSE cheeks, Charlie), pour you a flute of Veuve Cliquot and point you toward the orgy rooms?

Hah!

It ain't that easy. The Sexy Summer Soiree involves an entrance exam.

Starting,

right,

now.

There are three elements, and here's the good news, partygoers...elements one and two are easy enough your 97 year-old granny with Alzheimer's could manage them.

1. Every guest must contribute three cuts for the SSS Party Mix tape. I don't care if they're classical, Tex-Mex, Goth Metal, or Karen Carpenter, but they must tie with the theme: Sexy Summer Soiree.

2. Surprise! It's potluck! (What? You thought aka was going to slave over a hot microwave frizzing franks and nuking nachos for everyone? Hah! What are YOU bringing? And it better NOT be a Jello mold.)

3. Suck it up, here comes the hard part. Oops, I mean pay attention, here comes the challenge. Every guest must contribute a paragraph to the stream-of-consciousness storyline "APB" started by yours truly. Just a couple of quick sentences that advance the story.

Let ‘er rip.