Posted: Jul 31, 08 8:49am
My therapist had me write about a time in my life when I felt really strong; when I made my own rules, and was happy because of it. As I wrote, I noticed I kept going back to when I was 15-19 years old. I was a hippy. By the time my essay was done, I realized I still am.
As a child, I was constantly squeezed and confined by my parents, teachers, pastor. I didn't see any way out. By the time I was 15, I had been lifted up and out by first The Beatles, The Stones, many others, and finally and forever, Dylan.
I made my first good friend near the end of the school year in 6th grade. She took me under her wing. Together we read album covers and liner notes, about Haight-Asbury. We looked for and read about civil rights and war protests. We grew out our hair, bought the appropriate clothes, and started our own little protests. We got my friend's big sister to drive us to our town's one and only Head Shop at the time, and you know what we bought there...also posters, incense, love beads, etc.
My parents were not happy, but I was giving rational sass back to their diatribes. I knew I was intellegent, but had never used it for my life before. They literally didn't know what to do, so they nearly stopped doing anything. They didn't stop completely though, and when they finally decided on a course of action, I had to run away. That's another story.
My circle of friends grew. We knew each other well. We gathered in a certain park when the weather was good, and inside those old houses (you know the ones) when it was bad. We talked issues. We got high. We laughed. There was a lot of sex, and a lot of music. In my circle of friends, no one took advantage of another, and there was never any violence. We did share whatever we had with each other. At night we went to where the music was live, and it was SO good.
I knew my mind. I could think, and draw conclusions. I took care of myself and my friends. I was never afraid to take the stand of giving a damn about human rights, and I was loud about it. Some things changed for the better in our town.
When did it all stop? It came to a screeching halt when I had a baby to take care of. I didn't just kiss ass, I went from job interview to job interview actively looking for ass to kiss. I was lucky to find a good job, and I bent in so many ways to keep it.
Life went on, and the long and winding road took me to some good, and some VERY bad places. I got lucky again when I crossed paths with an old friend from that original circle, my husband of 32 years now.
I am feeling some of that old strength returning. My rebellious nature has re-awakened, and wants to roar. Of course it can't be like it was when I was young. That's okay. Have computer, will blog.
