Posted: Aug 3, 08 9:24pm
Since very few friends really read these threads, I have found them (threads) to be quite comforting in times of madness and sorrow. This is the case this evening.
As I sit in the darkness of my own home, I begin to think deeply of my younger brother. My younger brother is the runt of the family (6'3" tall) and I remember how much he use to just hang on my shirt tail every where I went. In high school, he was always beside me. Since my mother adopted the oldest child (me) to be the parental father I always felt like I had to "take care" of my siblings (1 sister, 2 brothers). Of those siblings, my youngest brother was always there. He use to attend my games in high school when but a young age. You see, we lived close to the stadium and gym and he would simply walk the 8-9 blocks when he was but 10 years or so old. Amazing by todays standards.
When I went off to college, he would always call me before the Saturday game and wish me well. We would joke of fishing, hunting, and the usual things that West Texas kids dreamed of in those days. Never suspecting that life would be so harsh on anyone in "our" family we would carry on during the usual holiday seasons and breaks when I came home. At that young age I always thought of Roy as a meek person, always having the understanding of people skills so often associated with the youngest sibling. At the dinner table he always got second choice, always the brunt of the jokes, always having to defend himself from his two "bigger" brothers Roy learned at an early age how to fight for what he wanted. All the time having a great sense of humor and a broad West Texas smile across his face.
Life went own and as we both built our career and families, Roy encountered numerous injuries in his line of work. Almost beaten to death from a robbery in Waco one evening, Roy was hospitalized and lost one eye and was on life support systems for about a week. But he came back with the same smile!!! Stronger than ever with one less eye.
By his first wife Roy raised 3 wonderful and happy children by himself after his divorce. Working as a rough neck in the West Texas oilfield, his children never lacked. It was remarkable to say the least. He eventually found love again and remarried after his children were grown and really loved his wife. Like his children, his wife never lacked. She died approximately 5 years ago and the guy to this day is heartbroken. While working one evening, the drilling rig Roy was working on began tipping and fell over. Now Roy always took the hardest jobs and as always Roy was working in the monkey cage (approximately 40' in the derrick) and had to jump for his life. When this occurred, he crush his legs and heels so horribly that to this day he has received over 30 operations to allow him to continue to walk. All with that huge West Texas grin still on his face.
Life took a funny turn when approximately 2 months ago Roy informed me of his small lung cancer battle that was about to begin. Tears rolled down my face as Roy reminded me of the fun times we use to have and that he wanted to "Thank" me for teaching how to fight the good fight. Needless to say that crushed my heart but I felt like I could not allow my emotions to come through. We joked and laughed about various things for over an hour on the telephone. That 2 guys could actually talk on the phone for over an hour had to be one for the record books. Just not the guy thing to do. Right? Always with the sound and mind picture of his West Texas smile and his slow drawl voice.
This week, his 3rd week of radiation and chemo, things have definitely changed. His dedication to provide for his grandchildren and children is beyond question. However, things have changed as I have spoken with Roy everyday since I found out about his battle. He has lost his West Texas grin to pain and hoarseness. He is extremely tired and will not rest regardless of the amount of request his "Big" brother asks him to. He is scared and without a doubt depressed.
I have to admit that I have a serious problem dealing with feelings (emotions). It is a skilled I have spent most of my adult life trying to deal with but have shortcomings in that area. And frankly, I always knew what to say when someone told me of their loved ones and friends fights with various diseases, but it was only surface emotions speaking.
Understanding the above, tonight I realize what a fool I have been for not embracing my family and friends when told of their serious illnessess and supporting them in those time. To that I am truly sorry. To those that read this please understand that if you have an illness of any kind you have found a friend that has developed compassion and understanding and wish you a speedy recovery. I have learned from my ignorant ways and slowly as Roy dies, I slowly have learned to live. Each day Roy gets weaker and weaker I become stronger and stronger in my encouragement and softer and softer in my heart for people with any kind of illness whatsoever.
I am mad and sad at the same time. Soon the life of Roy will be taken from this earth and God will cradle him in his arm for eternity. Why?
Because of that West Texas grin and that Texas drawl.
(Thanks for reading this and having compassion on a fool)
