You're relatively young. Will you be celibate the rest of your life? You could still have a relationship with your grandchildren without remaining married. Many people with sexless and loveless marriages find "good" reasons to stay but I have found that often some needs of the sex starved one are being served by remaining in the marriage.

Brett,

Tell your wife that you refuse to live a life without attention, affection, love, intimacy or sex. Tell her that if she cannot provide it (or refuses to provide it, which she is basically doing by refusing to try and resolve the problem), that you will respectfully have to go elsewhere to find it.

In many states, if she agrees that you may take a mistress (or, at a minumum, start dating), then you are not commiting adultery. In New York, this falls under the heading of "Connivance".

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states/ny/nyintrod.htm

Check with your attorney, as your state's laws may vary.

Of course, depending on your religion, this may be an abonimation in the eyes of your God; in which case, you're out of luck.

<< And of course whats even worse is that kissing and hugging, well for that matter even touching has slowly disappeared >>

I hear that. Lack of touch is, to me, absolutely worse than lack of sex. I assume that most people gradually lose interest in sex as they age, but as humans, we must have touch. Studies have shown that babies develop the condition known as "failure to thrive" when they are not touched. That doesn't change for adults -- I often feel as if I'm disappearing; my husband has no interest in sex -- a livable situation -- but I can't even remember the last time he gave me a hug or held my hand. I've reached a point of seriously considering finding that human connection elsewhere. Definitely going to look into the "connivance" thing for my state (although to me honest, I doubt my husband would care in any case. He just wants to be left alone to play his online computer game). Pretty pathetic, huh?

So, write up a quaint little note, "Since I have elected to live out the rest of my days in physical, emotional, and sexual isolation from my wife, I hereby give her my full and unconstrained permission to seek fulfillment for those basic human needs elsewhere. I do solemnly swear not to give her any crap about it, either in our personal relationships, or with regard to our legally sanctioned marriage."

...or some such stuff.

And have him sign it.

Who knows, the note may be enough to get him off his lazy, asexual, video-game-playing ass.

Wow...I first started a discussion here last October. This group has tripled since. Sad....

My situation still the same....no sex.....no nothing, our relationship probably worse now due to other family crises.

I have no advice, no solution...everybody's situation is unique to them.

Stay and learn to accept, stay and have affair, or take a leap and leave..........................................

Sorry to hear of the continuing crisis Mel.

Me, personally--I'm a big fan of stirring the pot.

Isn't it strange? Women are usually the ones who push for counseling, but my wife, like yours, is unwilling to confront the issue with someone. I believe it's fear that holds her back - fear of what she will discover about herself. Our problem is also physical, since she suffers quite a bit of pain during intercourse, but could it be that underlying emotions bring about the pain? We probably won't find out unless we talk to someone about it. Unfortunately, she's not interested. I do still love her, though, and believe that she also loves me. Thank God, she still kisses me and hugs me.