Posted: May 23, 08 6:45am
How? Everything else gets crowded out by this 800# gorilla. I wake up in the morning, usually after a restless night with weird dreams, thinking "I'm the only one here, unless you count that pile of Kleenex in the wastebasket and the magazine on the floor".
You shave and comb your hair thinking "Why bother? nobody looks at me"
You put on the Right Guard thinking "why bother? Nobody gets close enough to smell me".
You go through the whole day like you're in some kind of invisibility cloak. Several re-orgs has left your department in "Lost Boy Limbo", so work's not even challenging or satisfying any more.
You go through the day seeing people and thinking "She's attractive, too bad I'm old, fat, unattractive and poor". You arrive home thinking "I wish there was somebody else here who was glad to see me besides the goldfish".
You struggle to decide whether you want to have some auto-erotic "fun" because your prostate needs it vs. feeling like a loser. Most the time either the "fun" loses out, or you feel disgusted with yourself afterwards. Then you have to wash-up anyway.
You go to bed and try to shut out that voice that tells you "You're a LOSER. Your last wife threw you out and took up with a woman, and no matter what you tell yourself in therapy, that ain't never gonna change. Who you trying to kid? You may have been Nature's Gift when you were 23, but you ain't no more." Maybe cry yourself to sleep.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
For the next 15-40 years.
