I strongly suggest you beg, barter, bribe, or somehow get her to go into marriage counseling with you. You have this idea that another man might cure what ails her but there ARE other possible solutions. Go and explore them with the help of a good therapist.

if she wont talk to me about sex She really wouldt talk or see the need for consueling , is the sex drive at 57 over

Her sex drive doesn't have to be over at 57. I recommend a little book called "The Orgasmic Diet" by Marrena Lindberg. It's not a diet for losing weight and it's not complicated. It's a diet that supports a healthy sex drive in women. You may want to read it first so you will have some understanding and be able to provide maximum support. I also recommend "The Venus Butterfly Technique" by Bob and Leah Schwartz. This will help you set the stage to pique her desire and achieve optimal sexual response. If you're not much for reading, they have videos available (there is nudity, but it's not exactly porn.) These are available online. I urge you to explore every possibility before getting another person involved in your marriage. Bon Appetit