A question I would ask is whether you are turned down if you initiate, or are you waiting for your partner to initiate?

Also, having an affair means ready to leave. You are leaving one partner, albeit momentarily, to be with another. What will be the reaction when you are found out? Not that I'm recommending against it, just be ready if it happens.

I can really relate to you situation. I have also been married for 24 years, sex life has fallen off the radar, totally off the radar..

The last time my wife and I were able to escape for a weekend, I fell secondary to shopping for gifts and Dancing with the Stars TV Show.

We have 2 sons, and I can accept that they are a proirity, but my belief that our relationship should be more of a priority.

For sometime I have considered an affair, but for right now I have not decided weather to pursue this or not. It is a very personal decision, and to find out what is wanted out of this needs to be determined well before hand. Would it be a reason to divorce, to find out if this is what is needed to push to fix the marriage, or a distraction from the day to day stress. I have known people who have had affairs that their marriage did end up breaking up, and a few that it saved their relationships, as I said a big decision, that you need to be ready to take responsibility for.

For what its worth, I have always had the personal philosophy that before I would ever have an affair, I would leave. To me if I am at that point in the relationship it signifies the end. Intimacy is much more than just sex for me, so if I am seeking sex outside the marriage, I am most likely seeking more. Besides what is a marriage without sex, friendship.

You have 4 choices: You can accept things as they are. You can work to change them together. You can change them yourself (an affair). Or you can divorce.

I make no moral judgments. But it's clear that you're in pain. I would be, too, if I'd had a virtually sexless marriage as long as you have.

So what to do? You sound like you can't accept things as they are. With his heart attack, I'm guessing that he won't be too enthusiastic about working to change things. That leaves an affair or divorce.

If you can't divorce for reasons of loyalty, religion, finances, family, or simply not wanting to be single, then an affair is a reasonable, rational option. It's also problematic. If you choose this option, I would urge you to be very discreet. And be clear about what you want. Do you want to fall in love? If so, that might end your marriage. Do you want to avoid falling in love, and just have a friend with benefits, a sex buddy? If so, you may not get an emotional connection that you want.

You have a lot to consider here. Good luck.

I am also in your shoes, but even worse. We didn't have sex for 8 years. I felt like I was dying inside, and could'nt/wouldn't live like that anymore. I decided to go outside the marriage, and take whatever consequences if found out. During the affairs, it was wonderful in many ways. But after a few months, I realized it wasn't fair to my hubby, my family or myself, so I thought I should do the honourable thing. I told him it was over for me. He persuaded me to stay....he loves me. No matter how discreet you think you can be.......mistakes happen. He found out. We agreed to counselling to see if we can salvage it, or decide to end it. We are now back to the same level of 'emptiness', and I am getting restless again.

Some advice:When you have the affairs, have them with someone thats happily married, preferably with kids..They won't rat you out when you dump them,..Take it from a guy who's learned the hard way.

Believe me.

but why would someone happily married want an affair?

although your advice seems to be popular. I've been advised to never, ever get involved with someone single. Is that what happened to you?