What do you WANT to do? Are you happy with yourself? Excuses are just that, excuses: those are HIS problem.

If someone says they do not like you, should you change so that they do?

Just my $0.02.

JackieRodzinski

TheInquiringEye

Thank you for answering. I don't know what I want to do. You gave me something to think about.

hi, just because you asked so let me give you a man's perspective. I think it was a combination of everything, your situation, your looks, your mood and everything together created this "unsexy" image that he has no desire for sex in you as you carry yourself. I think if you like yourself, you should try to make yourself look better and if you look better and feel better, he will be right behind you. He is seeing you as you are seeing yourself and you don't like yourself as you see it. So fix yourself up for yourself and don't hold grudges and think why did he not like you etc etc. just go with the flow. If he doesn't come along, you will be ready for somebody better. I can tell you, it may sound shallow, but any other guy who looks at you would also prefer to see you in better shape and form. Remember you are the reflection of how you see yourself (unless of course you have some physical issues).

Manojt

thank you for taking the time to post to me. I have a question for you.

What about loving a person for not how they look, but for how they are. I will admit, I had a hard time dealing with my situation and I did let myself go. But shouldn't he have been there for me regardless? I feel like I had been a "trophy wife" and now that I am not one, he has no use for me. I know that is probably really not how he feels, but that is my feelings. You say not to hold a grudge, but I feel betrayed. I feel let down. I feel like I should just as appealing as I was years ago. I am still the same person inside. Oh, I am having such a hard time sorting all this out. Just to let you know, I dyed my hair back to its natural color yesterday and I also started and exercise and diet program. I am doing this for me, not for him. I am also angry at him. I hope this is normal. Is there any hope? Sorry, I am rambling, I am just upset. Thank you for your help.

Im sorry that you are put in the situation of doubting yourself and your looks and clothing etc. I have been in a sexless marriage for years and I wondered why she didnt want to make love anymore. I never could figure it out but in conversations with her the mst I could fathom was that she just didn't enjoy it anymore. It was sex in general she didn't like not sex with me in particular. We both gained weight over the years but not enough to make each other "ugly". I have learned that Im stuck in this marriage w/o sex and I have become a great masturbater ,, lol Ive also found cybersex. I dont even feel odd telling you this, because it fulfills a void in my life. Not to say it is like the "real" thing, but it serves its purpose.

My opinion for you is to make sure you are comfortable with yourself. If not try to make changes that you want. If it makes him want sex from you then it was never a strong relationship to begin with. You have sex with our partner because you love them. Having sex with someone who is beautiful may be the wrong reason . Look deep into what is being said. You may be surprised by the answers.

Hope this helps in some small way.

Mark

Thank you Mark. I am afraid to look deep into myself right now. Yes, I am afraid of what I might find. I feel vulnerable and it is scary. I have not masturbated at all for years, I was just too depressed,or had cyber - sex at all, ever. I am starting to feel "more normal" and I just might start some "pleasure" in the near future. Thanks again

Isn't it sad how the people we love/ loved most, cause us the greatest pain?

TIE