Read through the many posts here and you'll see that you are not alone in your situation.

There is no easy answer to the situation either. There are many options that people have discussed. All have drawbacks, some have serious consequences to consider.

Being here, and talking about it, is a good step though.

Read some of the other posts, you'll find people who have been there and have good advice.

I feel that I'm playing the waiting game, too. I wait for him to initiate, which never happens anymore. Then, when I initiate he always has an excuse or something to prevent him.

I'm waiting for sex, but I feel that I'm waiting for something else, too.

I almost feel that I need to be dynamited out of this relationship. I have been with him forever it seems (since 1991) and I don't want to be without him. He's my very best friend and understands me more than any person in the world.

I just fantasize about a time or place where there is no guilt or sadness about the sexlessness. Masturbation can only satisfy so much, you know?

I ask myself whether this is long term love and I cannot recognize it because of the pervasive pop culture hype of romantic love. Maybe this just happens in long term relationships?

Kate,

Have you been up front with him about how frustrating the sexual situation is? There may be something bothering him, too (something medical, as opposed to "personal," for instance)

Time keeps passing by. I am 40 and very capable to enjoy my sexual life. i did confront my wife about "what do i do for sex?" Her answer was i dont know. I dont know was going on there....IS SHE WAITING FOR DR. PHIL TO KNOCK IN OUR DOOR AND TELL US WHAT TO DO?

Ask her if she's willing to have an "open" marriage.

If she gives you permission to have an affair, then it really isn't an affair--it's certainly not adultery (not in NY, at least).

It is the honest way to get around this.......i think if we show boundaries on keeping that other person in private away from the family it should work out..now i have to meet somebody on the same boat

I stopped waiting. I found someone who wants me, and I will do it again. However, I wouldn't advise that for everyone. Ultimately, it's your life and your decision.