Ouch!!! "...shrivel up and fall off..." been there and done that Sweetie...move on

Hey A-Lady

"Next" needs to be something that YOU want or need. It is a terrible feeling to be rejected by your spouse and that rejection leaves very real scars. I am truly sorry that you find yourself at this point in your relationship. It is a very lonely place and getting out of that lonely place may not happen just because you leave your husband. Leaving only gives you the chance to search for new happiness. It doesn't promise it.

I can't recommend an "affair", but my recommendation really shouldn't have much value in your life. A guy on the internet with a silly cat avatar and a messy divorce might not be the best source for marriage advice. Honestly, if you feel the need to have an affair, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. (and possibly your husband if he finds out)

It does looks like you have already decided that your husband is not going to be part of your future sexuality. If that is the case, is there a family or financial reason to stay in such a unfulfilled marriage? Does that reason override your need for intimacy?

There are a lot of difficult questions that need to be answered before you make a decision that is as difficult as getting a divorce from your husband. The big one is what do YOU want? Can you get it from your husband? Can you get it from someone else?

I have been where you are, and when I closed my eyes and looked at the future, I just knew my ex was not going to be there with me. She had already abandoned me and the marriage. We were roommates with kids. When that realization came to me, a certain clarity began to replace the hurt While throwing my wife and the mother of my children out of my house was the hardest thing I have ever done, I have no regrets. For me, a future filled with a status quo of hurt, unhappiness, and rejection was worse than a future of uncertainty.

good luck finding a better future with, or without him.

I have not experienced this phenomenom, and I have to admit it frankly makes no sense to me.

It seems to me that sex in implicit in the marriage contract, and the withholding of sex a break of same. Given that, if your partner withholds sex and you go outside the marriage to satisfy those natural urges, who, really, has broken the marriage?

If you are resolved to stay in the marriage, I encourage you to have a conversation with your partner. The conversaton might help to solve the problem, but, if not, I suggest you let him know that you have normal, natural sexual needs that he is not fulfilling and that you intend to find other means to do so.

You pretty much have it dead on with those stages. I felt the same way, except the "shrivel up and fall off" thing. The last stage for me has been acceptance and a sense of sadness. Sad for him, that he seems content with things the way they are.

Leaving or the affair thing......no one can tell you what is best for you, only you know what you are capable of handling. I cannot imagine leaving......an affair?? Yes, I am capable of that.......

Before wishing that his unit falls off, you may be taking this lack of interest personally. Have you had his testosterone level checked? Low "T" levels are a common problem in men of all ages. The test is inexpensive and fast, and the treatment is effective.

Try that before leaping to extreme, damaging remedies, like affairs.

And if HE thinks nothing is wrong? He's in denial? Content with the way things are? Then what?

Craig.. He is unwilling to go to dr. I am sure that he has that problem but he seems to enjoy the power he has of having no needs.