Get a lover.

OK....maybe not.

But then again.......can you go without intercourse for the rest of your life?

Was he seeing other women while he had "erection" issues, or was he functioning fine then?

Have you considered asking your husband if you can find a lover? He doesn't have much reason to reject the idea since you were able to have sex before and he chose to look elsewhere. Now, he CAN'T have sex and you shouldn't have to suffer because of his inability to perform. Maybe if he had given you the sex you needed before, you wouldn't feel so deprived now. Looks to me like he wasted his good breeding years chasing other women.

Now maybe it's your turn?

Honestly, there is some tongue-in-cheek aspects of my reply, but not so much that there isn't some truth there.

What do YOU want out of life? Do you want sex more than you want him?

well, I knew he had erection issues when I got together with him, and I thought "it'll be okay...." Worst thing (in my mind) is this "other woman" was a prostitute.... so, it didn't really matter to her, as long as he paid for it. He would probably be fine with my finding a lover, so long as when I came home I would be with him. And I'm saying so long as "right after" I came home to be with him. The first few years of the last 14 were okay.... the last 6 or 7, not so much okay, and the last year, definitely not okay. Yeah, I miss intercourse. I thought it wouldn't matter. But I miss it. I ache to be filled up. I ache to have a hard cock inside me....

Okay, so I'm maybe going a bit too far. It's just not what I expected. And after his going to a pro, well, he just ain't gonna get it any more....

By the way, thanks for responding.....

No one can blame you for feeling betrayed because you were.

You need to take care of you. He made a choice to let someone else take care of his needs.

I sometimes cringe when I read what I write because I often sound heartless and vindictive.towards the spouses that cheat. But I always try and focus on the real issue. These people are adults. Your husband knows that using a prostitute for sex is wrong. He chose to do it anyway. He intentionally disregarded you and your needs to focus on himself.

It's time you did the same. Make yourself happy. You deserve happiness and you deserve to be loved and you deserve a physical relationship that makes you feel loved. If he is unwilling to provide you with what you need, then he is no longer your husband.

If that sounds harsh, I apologize. It's just that I have stood where you are standing, and I know how lonely and sad a place it is.

Don't let the bastard hurt you anymore.

Thanks for the support!! I'm doing the "one day at a time" thing, and trying to take care of myself. This site is kind of that.... talking with others who may have similar experiences. I won't even mention some of the things I think about.... but I know someday I'll have life again. And between now and then, I may seek out a friend or two who might be able to help me feel loved and care for again. It's hard to start over, but I do hurt. And I crave....

I know how you feel. I have gotten good at taking care of myself. LOL Good friends are hard to find. Hang in there, I wish you the best.

Hello to you,

Well, jumping out of a perfectly good airplane doesn't make since either, but I understand where you are coming from.

It begs the questions why a pro? From a mans perspective, I think it is fear that "the spouse" wont understand a specific need or fantasy. Really, who here has a Fetish that they think their spouse would freak out if they knew?

Me, mine is a foot fetish. My wife knows it and I made it no secret when we met (she needed to have feet that turned me one) and I told her. She sees me looking at other womens feet and even points out "the type I like" and tells me to look! My wife's fetish is men in uniform, she really goes nuts over number 94 a NFL referee during foot ball season.

I say that to say this. If he is aroused by "a pro", the "pro" has something or is doing something that turns him on or "does it for him". Now I'm not justifying his actions, what I'm saying is that you can't be all things to someone or unless you are told "I have a fantasy or fetish" you can't fulfill it.

But if you have the courage to communicate with each other openly about your fantasies and that you want to "try something new" and you need their support then you can continue to have a lasting and strong relationship.

However, if there is deception (you find out the hard way like you did), then what other choice do you have when "you aren't the one".

My wife has a friend that stayed in a broken marriage for five years (last three no sex!). Finally she broke down, came out to visit us and "met with a friend."

Long story short, short story long, you are not to blame here. You are doing the right thing by "doing what you need to do for you" and their is nothing wrong with that.

~Jonathon~